Back when I was pregnant and Daddy Yo
suggested me we look for a helper, I gasped!
I haven’t been raised with helpers. I will not
have one!
Then Alia was born. And the house was a mess!
I had no time to eat my breakfast because Alia was awake or I was passing
out next to her the second she would fall asleep.
I would try to do the laundry
(by hand) whenever I was not feeding her, changing her or sleeping with her or
I would let Daddy Yo do it after he came back home from work, cooked dinner and
washed the dishes of the whole day.
I was crying when she was crying in the middle of the night.
I would call our neighbor, Tita Caiys or our
Land lady Ate Sally and ask them to help me when Alia was screaming because of
gas and I still didn’t have time to eat lunch or take a shower.
When we had our first helper, I realized how
lucky we are in the Philippines to be able to afford hiring someone to help us.
Back
in Europe, having a helper at home the whole day would be a luxury. It would cost one full salary of ours!
Of course suddenly, our house was spottless. I
was able to rest more without worrying about food or laundry. The mornings I
was really tired, I could hand Alia over and go back to sleep for an hour or
two. I could even start socializing a little bit by going out for a dinner or a
drink once in a while.
And all this time I would not cook, clean or wash, I can fully spend it with my daughter. Take time to play with her, bring her to the beach, organize play dates with the other mommies. Being relax around her knowing someone is here to do the house chores.
When Alia was 3 months old, I started training
for our Dragon Boat competition with Daddy Yo. Sharing an "us" time
without Alia. I even enjoyed a few "me" time over manicures with my
other mommy friends and no kids !
I had the peace of mind to go back to work
knowing Alia was at home, safe in her familiar environment.
I know I can make it without a helper.
I also know I am a better mom when I have some
help.
I am less stressed, less tired, less
frustrated.
Having someone helping you at home is not shameful.
It doesn’t mean you are a bad mother or a bad wife.
It doesn’t mean you
can’t do it by yourself or are lazy.
It doesn’t mean you will just sit around
on the couch and eat chips while watching a movie.
It means you value your time.
It means you did not forget that you are also
a woman. Not just a wife or a mother.
It means you recognize you also have some
needs : sleeping a bit longer sometimes, having a massage and a manicure once in a
while, doing sport, going to work, enjoying a date with your husband or a drink
with your girlfriends…
We are not machines! Keeping a household is a lot of work and being a mother is a full time job!
Help can come from a nanny, the grand-parents, a friend once in a while.
This issue I used to have about having a
helper was about pride. The pride that I could do it by myself.
Now, I learned.
And i am proud to know now how to simply ask
for help.
I'm in the opposite spectrum from how grew up. Being a Filipino meant that you most likely had nannies while growing up..and that's how it was with me. But then I married and had a son, and had to make a family decision to move to another country -- where household help is not part of the daily life. And so, as much as I envy you guys back there for having some form of help, I have to deal with the household chores myself and learning the to do things I never thought I would do in my lifetime. I must admit that I manage only because my co-worker in this household has chosen to be fulltime father too. It is not shameful to have help, but I suppose that when the circumstances call for it, having done all the housework and taking care of the baby full time also gives a sense of achievement one way or another. All I know is that in a few years time, my son will no longer need my 100% attention 24 hours a day So while I still have this privilege, I am happy to be in his service. But it does help to have the time to pee alone. :-) Thanks for sharing Pauline. (Roselle)
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