“Home isn't a place, its a feeling”

“Maybe you had to leave in order to really miss a place; maybe you had to travel to figure out how beloved your starting point was.” 

― Jodi Picoult, Handle with Care


I am lucky.

I am lucky, because I have more than one place I can really call home.
I am lucky because I have people in many places I can call family.
I am lucky because I have friends, some since my tender childhood and some that came later in my life that never left my side, wherever we are in the World.
I am lucky I grew up in a beautiful countryside my children are able to experience every year.

Charles, my eldest friend and I, in my parent's garden.

When I moved to the Philippines, it was a natural move. I felt it was the next step I had to take. It was not hard, not heartbreaking, not challenging. Just natural.
I was not escaping a hard past, a relationship or a terrible country.
I was exploring and taking a step towards my independence and most importantly, I was making my own choice.
My parents raised us to be free to choose what we wanted to be (even though now, they may have doubts it was ever a good idea: it was, really).

Once I moved here, I never thought I could feel the need of coming back home.
I am happy here, I built my life here, grew my family here.
And even if I loved my country for the beauty of it, I left a country that was going through an economic crisis and where opportunities for people my age were not really great.

Playing at the park in France

I was never homesick. Just extremely happy to go home every year and enjoy great time with family and friends, amazing food and beautiful road trips. I was enjoying being a tourist in my birth country.

I felt like I had the best of both Worlds.
And I still do.

Once I gave birth to Alia though, things started to shift very slowly.
I rediscovered France with another eye.
I started feeling a pinch of homesickness every time I would think about something I used to do or eat at her age and how I wanted her to experience it.

Daddy Yo, Alia and Gaia in Anilao

The first two years of Alia's life, we kept going to France and visit only for a month. But when Daddy Yo went to work abroad for the first time, Alia and my pregnant self went to visit my parents. I was planning on staying a month but when complications with my pregnancy came, I had to extend another month. When it was time to go home, I realised it was the first time since I left my birth country that I stayed such a long period there. And on top of that, we did not travel around like the other years, we mainly stayed in the home I grew up in. It gave me a great amount of time to see friends and hang out with family.


When Daddy Yo went to work abroad for the second year, I thought: I really enjoyed being in France for two full months! Usually, we were only staying 4 weeks, travelled around for 2 full weeks and had very little time to see all the people we wanted to see. We would manage to squeeze in one dinner or lunch with every person we wanted to spend time with, which was not enough to really get to enjoy their presence and catch up with them.

So that second year, I decided to stay two months again. And the end of these two months came so quickly. Of course, it was awesome as we were going to visit Daddy Yo where he was working, so it was one more family adventure. But, all these trips and plane alone with two children wore me out. I went home exhausted and kept on being sick. Dengue virus was the last warning my body was giving me to make me understand I was tired and needed a little rest.

Playing in a wooden playground near a pond in France

This year, we took the decision to only go to France. No visit to Daddy Yo, which was a big and hard decision but a wiser one. And I asked my parents if they minded adopting me and the two girls for three long months. It felt amazing to be there. My mom was freshly retired so I had extra hands to help. My sister and I never had such a great bonding and she spent some great time with her two nieces. We got to spend so much time with my family and I got to spend much time with childhood friends, old and new friends. I even received, over a weekend, one of my very best friend who was visiting her in-laws from Australia. I have not seen her for 9 years and our children (who are the exact same age) met for the first time. They instantly became such amazing friends, it was heartwarming to see!


We had the opportunity to enroll Alia to kindergarden for the two last months of school year, so she could have activities and improve her french. Schools in France are free and mandatory so any child with a French citizenship is welcome anytime to join a new school. It has been a great experience for her! She is now speaking fluently in french to me, had a great time visiting the farm, playing with kids of the village where we live, getting to know the customs in France.

First day of school with warm clothes, new language, new classmates: Fun time!

School fair in Alia's school

I also spent some quality time with some very dear family members who are sick.
I may live on the beach and enjoy life where I am, but as an immigrant living far away from my own country, I am missing things out. This includes being present for your loved ones when they are going through hard time, sickness, problems, depression, or are just getting old. And it sometimes feels so heavy and challenging. I do sometimes feel like I am not fulfilling my role of friend, grand-daughter, cousin, niece...

 



We got to enjoy quality food, organic vegetables, good quality meat, amazing cheese. Food that I am not scared of putting in my daughter's body thinking of all the hidden antibiotics and GMO that might make them pubescent too early. Alia and Gaia took some poney lessons, rode the carousel endlessly, ran in the fields, went to the cinema to see beautiful indie children movies, visited a farm, baked with my sister, made a fire in the chimney when it was cold, jumped in the inflatable pool when it was hot, ran around and played with friends, mowed the lawn with their grand-dad, gardened and planted and watered flowers (and picked a lot on the way), played piano, learned how to behave in a restaurant, enjoyed food, food and more food, had a road trip in Switzerland to visit more family...

    

                                                        

I was also in France during a very painful time for all of us. Terror attacks.
The past ones that happened, I was in the Philippines. I felt lonely. It was just an awful event that had happened in the news for most people around me. And even if I could talk about it with Daddy Yo or a few other people, it kept on following me every second of the day for weeks.
It happened in my streets, to my friends, friends of my friends. I was far away. I could not hug them. I could not join the protests and the walks and reflect on what happened in the streets of the district I called home for 6 years in Paris.

A fire in the chimney to warm our hearts and soul

When the attacks happened on July 14th and a few days after again, it felt horrific and scary. But as weird as it sounds, I was surrounded by people who would talk about it and share my feelings. It did not drive me as crazy as the attacks of November and January 2015 because I could unload what I felt with people who felt the same way. I was there and I could share my pain. And my pain was lighter just by sharing it.

Yes, I have the best of both Worlds. And I want to keep it this way.
But it can also be challenging to jump from one World to another.
This is when you realise you can also be homesick for people.

The beautiful Eiffel Tower a few days after the attack in Nice, France.

Are we there yet?

"Each day of our lives, we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." Charles R. Swindoll

Playing in the park in Chartres

This past years have been challenging in many ways as Daddy Yo went to work abroad for the low season. It is the third summer I am spending alone with Alia and Gaia and of course, it is not a reason for us to stop the adventures! Last year, we went to visit my family in France then Daddy Yo in the USA. It was the first time for Gaia to go out of the Philippines, so it was quite an adventure for her! This year, we travelled to France and Switzerland. 

This is about me, the two girls, a big luggage, a couple of passport and too many airplanes.

Being a single parent is hard. I mean, you always have the perks of it: 

No one to fight over the movie to watch at night.

No one to fight over that last piece of chocolate or cheese after the children are gone to bed.

I am in charge of the menu, which means more healthy meals! (wink wink Daddy Yo!)

I am in charge of bedtime by myself, which means kids are going to sleep early and are not over excited and over stimulated right before sleeping (wink wink Daddy Yo!)

I am in charge of activities and daily schedule, which means I do not have a bad surprise when coming back from the shower seing kids painting on each other with textile paint.

Rolling down the hill

But it also can be overwhelming at time. And frustrating. Very frustrating.

I have very little break time. The kids are asking for my undivided attention at all time. Both of them. At the same time. Over different things.

One wants to breastfeed while the other one wants a cuddle. One wants to sit on my laps so the other one wants too. One is sick and needs me a lot more. The other one wants the same. One wants me to feed her, so I end up not eating with two children on my laps, feeding both of them.

Snack time!!!!!!!

And I am here in the middle. Pouring my love on them. Playing good cop, bad cop. Not having anyone who can step in and take over when I am ready to explode. And there are times when it gets to a point when I am craving to get my body back for an hour, a day. When no one will ask for me, touch me, grab me, climb on me, bite me, pull me, hang on my leg… It is a weird feeling when it seems your body doesn’t belong to you anymore. Not an single second of the day. 

Even at night :)

When Daddy Yo is here, we can share this. If one girl need me, he can take care of the other one. If I put one girl down for a nap, he will do something with the other one. They can share their needs between both of us. It seems a small, petty thing, but after 6 months of being more than their everything, it is hard for me. We may have a nanny but they don’t want them as they want their parents, of course. At least I am glad for that! They can still make the difference! 

I love them as much, maybe even more as the bonding is of every minute and we carry each other everyday. But It is also weary some days.

I first spent 3 months in France. And it never felt better being home than this year. 

The vibe, the choice of food from the market, the variety of activities for the kids. This year just felt good and I will get back to why it felt so good in the next post.

Poney ride in the countryside and around the lake.

While there, I had my parents and sister to share the attention of the kids with. And most important, my childhood friends, sister and parents to talk to at night. Once the girls were asleep, I would sneak out of the room and sit with my childhood friends and sister over a beer. Or sit on my parents bed and watch a movie or talk, talk and talk. After being a mother all day, it feels nice to feel like a child again, sometimes. Curled up on the foot of their bed. 

Sliding in Jardin du Luxembourg,
Paris

After we travelled back to Boracay, that was the hardest part to adjust to. Once the girls are asleep, it is me, myself and I. 

Long, silent evenings. 

No one to share the hard day I had with two sick children, or the homesickness of being back from my hometown, or the tantrums I had to deal with other than waiting for Daddy Yo to wake up over the computer and chat with him for a bit while he gets ready to work.

But it still is nothing, these challenges, compared to the gift and magic of having well travelled and adventurous children. 

To get to explore the World and our own limit with them, see their eyes get filled with excitement and slowly understand the World unfolding in front of them. 

To see them open their heart, their mind to so many different people and culture. And to never forget how it is to be a child. 

Because we all can. Just kneel down and look through their eyes. There is just love for us and amazing adventures awaiting.

A stroll in the French countryside under the rain.

If you travel with young children by yourself, talk to them, always. 

I kept on telling them: We are a team. It is us against the rest of the World. It is gonna be hard for me, this trip as the only adult. So you guys gonna have to help me. Check on each other, check on me as much as I will check on you. Never leave my side. Never leave your sister's side. Be patient as much as I will be. This is one long day and then, it will be over. Let's hold each other's hand and work through it as a team. 

And guess what? It works! Yes, kids are smart and sensitive enough to understand all of the challenges. They can adapt. They can be the best team mates you would ever imagine. Just give them the chance to be. You might be surprised! 

Now, Alia's favorite mantra is "Family hug! We are family! Gaia, it is you and me forever!". 

When they are not hitting each other, arguing over a toy or my attention, this is them, learning that sisterhood is above everything else.

Sister love in Baler, Philippines. Credit: Sabs Bengzon

Where is the kid in you?

A week and half ago, Daddy Yo was out.

I laid down next to a sleeping Alia and enjoyed a me time. Watching a french movie it was!
The movie was called "L'âge de raison" or the Age of reason.

You know when you are 7? In France, we call this like that because this is the time you think you are always right.

Story short, this was this very successful woman who totally forgot about her childhood and past as she is so busy and focused on her carrier, meetings, investments, contracts and financial growth of her company. Until she receives all this letters from the 7 year-old she was.
As a little girl, she went to see a Notary and asked him to send all this letters to herself 25 or 30 years later. This Notary was s touched he kept his promise. Now old and retired, this is his last duty.
Of course, her life was turned upside-down by all this and it ended well.

It made me think about me, before. How was I? What did I wanted to be? How did I hope my life would be? When I was a teenager with a head full of dream?

At around 7 or 8, with my childhood friend Charles

Well, when I was a kid/teen, I was dreaming of being:

- A veterinary surgeon for wild animals (specially wolves and lions)
- A circus acrobat and trapeze artist
- Live in a Gipsy community, bare feet and long skirts, riding horses on the beach of Camargue (don't ask why, I always thought I must have Gipsy roots)
- Live in Jamaica and play drums all day long, listening to Bob Marley

Until I was 14, I wanted to be a vet. Then I had a week internship in our friend's clinic.
I discovered that being a vet includes put down animals. And it cured me from wanting to be one.

I kept my circus dream for quite a long time. My cousin introduced me to circus life when we were 6 years old. She now lives from it. When I was living in Paris and she would come to visit from Switzerland, we used to have mini-acrobatic shows in from of Pompidou museum, in the streets.
We did this until I was 19 and got an unrelated big injury on my back that left me unable to do sports for a couple of years. Now, one of my favorite things in life is still looking at Circus and dance shows.

My cousin Melissa, artist extraordinaire.

About the two next dreams, it lasted until, well... now.
It started at 14 when my childhood friend, Charles and I, dreamt of living in Jamaica, play drums and do skateboard for a living. With some friends, we wanted to create a community where we would all live together and raise our kids as a big hippy community.

My childhood friend, Charles a year ago in the Philippines
when he became the Godfather of Alia.

Looking back, I can say... I did not lost myself much since I was a kid!

Now living on a small Island in the Philippines, walking bare feet on the sand everyday, playing drums with Daddy Yo and Alia. Living how I wanted to live my life.

That is also how I want to raise Alia. Without her loosing the kid in her. So she can grow with her dreams and be who she wants to be, how she wants to be.

I will tell her that I will love her whatever the way she chooses. I will teach her at the end of the day, it is more important to be happy inside than pleasing others.

So in our house, she is allowed to make noise, eat with her hands, climb everything, choose to wear her denim short with a striped shirt and dots shoes, roll of the floor to play, spill water, write on the walls with a pencil, make a mess and help us clean. She is just a little kid and we are two big ones. Still.

It's been too long, my friends.

It's been five months since my last post.

Five long months filled with craziness and business (as in busy!).

Five months when we finally finished building our nest, moved in, went to France to visit my family, Alia grew up too fast, started a new job, survived the biggest typhoon that ever made landfall. 

There is so much to say. But I'm gonna make it short as I don't want to write a 3 volume book for the first time in so many months.

Finally being Home is the best feeling in the World. 

It was a long and hard process. And doing that on top of having a baby was crazy. Add the first year marriage and two massive and crazy puppies on top and you have the craziest year. 

But now, taking the time to fill it up with memories and decorating it is an incredibly nice feeling. 

It's like having a white canvas and infinite colors. And having an unlimited amount of time to do what you want and create your space.

We are almost done with our living room and are working on our room. 

Being able to welcome friends for dinner, organize play dates, hang out at home for days and build Alia a proper play ground is great. Even if Alia's favorite activity right now is to draw on the walls! Well, we have a left-handed artist in the house!

Alia had a blast in France and we had our first no-kids-three-days-date in Rotterdam.

 

She got to spend quality time with her grand-parents, play with her cousins, pick strawberries and raspberries in the farm, eat some freshly cooked food from Lola with the vegetables of the garden, help her Tatay and Lolo gardening, run after the hens and pick up the eggs in the morning, have her first dental check up from Lola with her cousin, swim in the lac of Annecy, meet some family in Alsace even I never met, play a lot with her ninong Lapin and tito Sushi (I think she got some artistic tips from them as they both are amazing artists), run and run and run in the garden of my parent's house.

Alia helping Daddy Yo gardening and proud

Daddy Yo, looking at his baby becoming a 

Mountaineer like him.

Daddy Yo and I had a blast as well. 

We got to make a sweet escape of three days in Rotterdam to visit an extraordinaire friend of us, dancer at Cirque du Soleil Michael Jackson the Immortal Tour. The city was really cool, the people are amazing, Pom's family was so welcoming and made us feel like we knew them forever. Plus, I got to go to a club for the first time in a hundred years (there is only beach clubs in Boracay) and got to drink and party without thinking about going home to feed Alia. I got to go home at 3am and sleep until 11am. This was a really cool feeling but being apart from Alia was still a major thing. Won't happen too often...

I got to see my family, enjoy my cousins, spend my birthday in a beautiful house above the lac of Annecy with childhood friends, have barbecue with friends, share love and good news and beautiful vibes.

The highlight of my birthday celebration was when my Tita Catherine brought me with her for a tour of aerobatics. She is a aerobatics World Champion! Daddy Yo had his turn the first year we visited France together and this time was mine. What a crazy, breathtaking, brain shaking experience. I¨felt like I lost all bearings. Nothing was like it was supposed to be. After some loopings and tumblings in the air, it took a soda, a hot bath and a good night of sleep to feel normal again!

Getting ready for the big moment

Now, Alia is all grown up. 

She is talking more and more. She now has words in English, French and  Tagalog. She is mixing it all and start creating pluri lingual sentences. 

After a few month of tantrums due to language frustration, she is learning how to use her words more and more. It gets funnier and easier for us to communicate.

When my parents came to visit the Philippines last month, we had an awesome time visiting Baguio again and shopping for the house. But when we went home to Boracay, we had to anxiously prepare for the biggest and stronger Typhoon that ever made a landfall. That was scary but we survived. Boracay was so blessed and lucky. The eye of the Typhoon was supposed to be on us and wash us away with 7 meter waves. 

But it came earlier than expected, on low tide, which saved us from a water surge. And just before landing on us, the eye veered left, the rain calmed down and Yolanda Typhoon spared us and our beautiful Island. You cannot imagine the joy we all felt when we realized the damages we had were nothing compared to what we were expecting. And you cannot imagine the shock we all had when we realized many places of our beautiful country were devastated, flat, washed away. The number of dead kept on rising and the few images we got to see (whenever one of us could find a place on the Island that had electricity) were unspeakable. 

With a group of friends, we felt we could not stay without doing anything. It was only normal for us to hold hands and help our countrymen. Many groups in Boracay and around the Philippines got organized and started some actions. Here, you can find every details of how we, in our little way, are helping and how you can help: https://www.facebook.com/?q=#/LifeAfterYolanda?ref=br_tf

Daddy Yo is the best with tripod and composition!
Notice the twin outfit of Alia and I.. :)

One glass of wine + one glass of wine makes 5 bottles of wine!

Last night, we had a mommies night out.

Being a mom is tiring and turns your life upside down. Some subjects are supposed to be taboo. 

Moms are not supposed to complain about their kids.

Sex life is supposed to start again normally 6 weeks after delivery.

Doubts are not allowed.

And many more...

And suddenly, in a small wine bar in this small island in the middle of the Philippines, 7 women are sharing real life stories, without shame.

We were planning to meet at 9 and be home by 11, after a nice glass or two of red wine.
Who knew we all needed this so much??
It ended up being one of the latest, funniest and greatest night I had in a very long time.

I can't disclose anything that was said during that night as sensible souls could read this and not believe we are actually responsible and sane mothers of one or two children.

I can only say how blessed I am to be part of such a group.
And how grateful I am for the honesty that all of us brought to this table last night.

Between our raw talks about sex, fun stories about our partners, crazy stories about kids and shared doubts about future, the waitresses were amused, puzzled and had a blast also, I believe.

What I love with this amazing group of friends I have?
Sharing is easy. No judgement.
Once you open up, you realize we are all the same. We are not crazy, we are moms!
All of us went through the same things. Sometimes, we are shy to talk about it thinking we are alone. But once you hear the stories of other moms, you feel comforted and you start being able to laugh about it.

I remember when I was a teenager, my mom didn't want to join the "all girls lunch" organized by some friends as she knew it was an opportunity for them to bitch about their husbands and complain. And she didn't like that.

I love the fact that our mommies night out are not made for criticizing the Daddies. It's about sharing funny stories, fights, doubts but always with love and respect for them.

We ended up going home at 1:30 in the morning, tipsy, happy, laughing in the streets after 5 bottles of wine, a huge cheese plater and a lot of love shared.

Funny fact was that the Daddies were calling us to come home because of babies awaken and out of worry: It's unusually late for this girls. How come they are still out there in the middle of the night?
Boys, if you only knew...

Mondays moms are totally on!

Thank you mommies for being here, honest, fun, raw. Thank you for being part of this amazing group!

❝To have another language is to possess a second soul.❞

"One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way." Frank Smith

Since we decided to have Alia, we knew a great challenge was lying in front of us.

Being from different countries, therefore, speaking different languages would be a part of it.

But we decided to turn this into a benefit for her future.

Since she was born, I am only speaking to her in French.

As we are not many French speaking in the Island were I live, she needs to learn it from me since birth. I need to be consistent. I am singing french lullabies to her at nap time and I am looking for french books to read to her when she is going to bed at night.

Because she doesn’t live near my family, it is important for me that she doesn’t feel disconnected with her french roots. Speaking French will help her keep in touch with my parents, sister, relatives and her cousins when she grows up. Every time she sees them, it also help her make the connection. They speak French like her mommy!

It will also help her learn more about my culture and my country. Sharing books, poems and watching movies with her: it is like building our own little bubble where I can show her who I was, how I grew up, what music I liked to listen.

Some things cannot be translated.  

I want to open her window of opportunities: if she wants to study in France later, she is able to move there and keep up with her dreams.

Daddy Yo always speak to her in Tagalog.

I know some people want to teach their kids how to speak English first as it will help them be part of the Global World.

For me, Alia is Filipino as much as she is French. She needs to speak the langague of the country where she was born. Not learning Tagalog as one of her first language would be putting her at risk to be treated like a foreigner in her own country!

And what if she decided to pursue her studies or life here? 

Tagalog will not be taught to her later on, at school. She needs to be understood by anyone in the country where she lives. She needs to know where she comes from and understand the story of her country.

So far, the words she is saying are mainly English.

Most of our friends and all the kids around her speak English to Alia.

And she can hear Daddy Yo and I speaking English together.

She must know it is the fastest way to be understood by all.

But whenever I ask her to hold my hand in french, she gives me her hand. Whenever Daddy Yo ask her to come with him for shower, she goes straight to the bathroom.

A lot of people tell us Alia will be confused, delayed for talking.

Do not underestimate children’s brain! It’s like a sponge absorbing thousand of new things everyday.

Yes, she might mix languages up at first sometimes.

She might answer me in English when I speak French (like Alia’s godmother and her daughter when she was a little girl) but I will keep on speaking to her in French. Because all the languages she hears on a daily basis are printed in her mind.

And when she will be a little bigger and ready to use them, what an amazing advantage for her!!

"If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart." Nelson Mandela

Brownout means family time on the beach!

Once more, we don’t have a nanny anymore.

But since there is less wind so less work for Daddy Yo, it has been manageable. 

I started again training with my Dragon Boat team and we are getting ready for the competition at the end of the month. Daddy Yo is bonding with Alia every morning from her wake up time until I go home from the training around 9 :30. Sometimes, they surprise me on the beach and we go for a swim or a breakfast before going back home.

This summer is so hot, it’s quite hard being outside too long during the day.

Even in front of the fan, there are days when we are sweating just by blinking.

Yesterday was one of these days.

While Daddy Yo was resting, Alia and I hit the beach early morning and met some friends of us for a coffee. Kids were running on the beach and mommies were sipping on coconut juices. Perfect !

We went back home on time for lunch and before the heat hours.

Afternoon was spent playing and taking several quick showers trying to refresh a bit.

Around 4 :30pm : brownout. Yes, brownout, on top of this heat !

Daddy Yo had a jamming for a summer event on the beach and by 7pm, I would be alone at home with Alia. I like being alone from time to time in the evenings. I watch a french movie, surf the web and sleep early.

But with the heat and no power at home, that was another story. Alia was cranky because she was sweating and I could not imagine myself running after  and following her with a flashlight  around the house or using a fan to ventilate her until the power will be back.

I remember the time before Alia. Anytime there was a brownout, Daddy Yo and I would run to the beach and party or swim until the power was back. So what stopped us to do the same with Alia now?

We decided that, if by 7pm, the power was not back, we would accompagny Daddy Yo at his event, eat dinner on the beach with him and friends then go home when the power would be back again.

As we left the house, the breeze hit us.

Once in the tricycle, we picked up some of the bandmates of Daddy Yo and the drums then took the back road of the island. As we passed by the small street, we could see everybody hanging out with the neighbors, carrying the kids and babies, talking, seating, walking outside.

And that reminded me this is one of the reason why I fell in love with Boracay and the Philippines.

People will not stay home, complaining about the heat and the lack of power. They will just open their door and find another reason to hang out with their friends and family.

Just because of a brownout, my evening turned out  to be perfect. Alia got to dance to her daddy playing drums, I got to eat yummy morrocan food and spend time with friends and by 9pm, we were home with everything back to normal.

Alia did not sleep early like usual but she was happy and more relaxed in the breeze on the beach than under the heat at home.

And her eyes when she saw her dad jamming! It was priceless!!

Beauty and happiness is everywhere with positive thoughts!

I just want to pee alone!

Back when I was pregnant and Daddy Yo suggested me we look for a helper, I gasped!

I haven’t been raised with helpers. I will not have one!

Then Alia was born. And the house was a mess!

I had no time to eat my breakfast because Alia was awake or I was passing out next to her the second she would fall asleep. 

I would try to do the laundry (by hand) whenever I was not feeding her, changing her or sleeping with her or I would let Daddy Yo do it after he came back home from work, cooked dinner and washed the dishes of the whole day.

I was crying when she was crying in the middle of the night.

I would call our neighbor, Tita Caiys or our Land lady Ate Sally and ask them to help me when Alia was screaming because of gas and I still didn’t have time to eat lunch or take a shower.

When we had our first helper, I realized how lucky we are in the Philippines to be able to afford hiring someone to help us. 

Back in Europe, having a helper at home the whole day would be a luxury. It would cost one full salary of ours!

Of course suddenly, our house was spottless. I was able to rest more without worrying about food or laundry. The mornings I was really tired, I could hand Alia over and go back to sleep for an hour or two. I could even start socializing a little bit by going out for a dinner or a drink once in a while.

And all this time I would not cook, clean or wash, I can fully spend it with my daughter. Take time to play with her, bring her to the beach, organize play dates with the other mommies. Being relax around her knowing someone is here to do the house chores.

When Alia was 3 months old, I started training for our Dragon Boat competition with Daddy Yo. Sharing an "us" time without Alia. I even enjoyed a few "me" time over manicures with my other mommy friends and no kids !

I had the peace of mind to go back to work knowing Alia was at home, safe in her familiar environment.

I know I can make it without a helper.

I also know I am a better mom when I have some help.

I am less stressed, less tired, less frustrated.

Having someone helping you at home is not shameful. 

It doesn’t mean you are a bad mother or a bad wife. 

It doesn’t mean you can’t do it by yourself or are lazy. 

It doesn’t mean you will just sit around on the couch and eat chips while watching a movie.

It means you value your time.

It means you did not forget that you are also a woman. Not just a wife or a mother.

It means you recognize you also have some needs : sleeping a bit longer sometimes, having a massage and a manicure once in a while, doing sport, going to work, enjoying a date with your husband or a drink with your girlfriends…

We are not machines! Keeping a household is a lot of work and being a mother is a full time job!

Help can come from a nanny, the grand-parents, a friend once in a while.

This issue I used to have about having a helper was about pride. The pride that I could do it by myself.

Now, I learned.

And i am proud to know now how to simply ask for help.

A year to remember!

The best gift 2012 brought me!

I am welcoming 2013 with a smile. Though, I was not in a hurry for this year to come to an end.

Despite a few down, which is part of life, 2012 has been an amazing year for me.

A year I will cherish and remember all my life.

First, I became a mother. 2012 brought me the most wonderful, fun, strong, beautiful and stuborn daugther. What can make a year more beautiful than the birth of your first child ?

On top of this, it brought me a husband: loving, sweet, funny, disorganized and irritating sometimes but an awesome dad.

And finally, it brought us a home. In the process. But 2012 was the year it started.

We traveled to Malaysia, France and Switzerland.

We welcomed our whole families and friends for the first time in Boracay.

I strengthen some friendships that I believe will last for a very very long time.

We lost some beloved ones.

I shed tears of sadness and happiness.

We argued.

I grew and learnt a lot.

2012 made my world turn upside down!

And at the end of the day, I find my strength in Alia.

She was what made 2012 the best year of my life.

When I look back at 2011 and 2012, things are going better and better.

I know where I am going, what I want and I cannot wait to see what 2013 is holding for me.

Bring it on !

Happy New Year to all from the Astronaut family!

May 2013 be filled with love, laughter, fun & health!