Are we there yet?

"Each day of our lives, we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." Charles R. Swindoll

Playing in the park in Chartres

This past years have been challenging in many ways as Daddy Yo went to work abroad for the low season. It is the third summer I am spending alone with Alia and Gaia and of course, it is not a reason for us to stop the adventures! Last year, we went to visit my family in France then Daddy Yo in the USA. It was the first time for Gaia to go out of the Philippines, so it was quite an adventure for her! This year, we travelled to France and Switzerland. 

This is about me, the two girls, a big luggage, a couple of passport and too many airplanes.

Being a single parent is hard. I mean, you always have the perks of it: 

No one to fight over the movie to watch at night.

No one to fight over that last piece of chocolate or cheese after the children are gone to bed.

I am in charge of the menu, which means more healthy meals! (wink wink Daddy Yo!)

I am in charge of bedtime by myself, which means kids are going to sleep early and are not over excited and over stimulated right before sleeping (wink wink Daddy Yo!)

I am in charge of activities and daily schedule, which means I do not have a bad surprise when coming back from the shower seing kids painting on each other with textile paint.

Rolling down the hill

But it also can be overwhelming at time. And frustrating. Very frustrating.

I have very little break time. The kids are asking for my undivided attention at all time. Both of them. At the same time. Over different things.

One wants to breastfeed while the other one wants a cuddle. One wants to sit on my laps so the other one wants too. One is sick and needs me a lot more. The other one wants the same. One wants me to feed her, so I end up not eating with two children on my laps, feeding both of them.

Snack time!!!!!!!

And I am here in the middle. Pouring my love on them. Playing good cop, bad cop. Not having anyone who can step in and take over when I am ready to explode. And there are times when it gets to a point when I am craving to get my body back for an hour, a day. When no one will ask for me, touch me, grab me, climb on me, bite me, pull me, hang on my leg… It is a weird feeling when it seems your body doesn’t belong to you anymore. Not an single second of the day. 

Even at night :)

When Daddy Yo is here, we can share this. If one girl need me, he can take care of the other one. If I put one girl down for a nap, he will do something with the other one. They can share their needs between both of us. It seems a small, petty thing, but after 6 months of being more than their everything, it is hard for me. We may have a nanny but they don’t want them as they want their parents, of course. At least I am glad for that! They can still make the difference! 

I love them as much, maybe even more as the bonding is of every minute and we carry each other everyday. But It is also weary some days.

I first spent 3 months in France. And it never felt better being home than this year. 

The vibe, the choice of food from the market, the variety of activities for the kids. This year just felt good and I will get back to why it felt so good in the next post.

Poney ride in the countryside and around the lake.

While there, I had my parents and sister to share the attention of the kids with. And most important, my childhood friends, sister and parents to talk to at night. Once the girls were asleep, I would sneak out of the room and sit with my childhood friends and sister over a beer. Or sit on my parents bed and watch a movie or talk, talk and talk. After being a mother all day, it feels nice to feel like a child again, sometimes. Curled up on the foot of their bed. 

Sliding in Jardin du Luxembourg,
Paris

After we travelled back to Boracay, that was the hardest part to adjust to. Once the girls are asleep, it is me, myself and I. 

Long, silent evenings. 

No one to share the hard day I had with two sick children, or the homesickness of being back from my hometown, or the tantrums I had to deal with other than waiting for Daddy Yo to wake up over the computer and chat with him for a bit while he gets ready to work.

But it still is nothing, these challenges, compared to the gift and magic of having well travelled and adventurous children. 

To get to explore the World and our own limit with them, see their eyes get filled with excitement and slowly understand the World unfolding in front of them. 

To see them open their heart, their mind to so many different people and culture. And to never forget how it is to be a child. 

Because we all can. Just kneel down and look through their eyes. There is just love for us and amazing adventures awaiting.

A stroll in the French countryside under the rain.

If you travel with young children by yourself, talk to them, always. 

I kept on telling them: We are a team. It is us against the rest of the World. It is gonna be hard for me, this trip as the only adult. So you guys gonna have to help me. Check on each other, check on me as much as I will check on you. Never leave my side. Never leave your sister's side. Be patient as much as I will be. This is one long day and then, it will be over. Let's hold each other's hand and work through it as a team. 

And guess what? It works! Yes, kids are smart and sensitive enough to understand all of the challenges. They can adapt. They can be the best team mates you would ever imagine. Just give them the chance to be. You might be surprised! 

Now, Alia's favorite mantra is "Family hug! We are family! Gaia, it is you and me forever!". 

When they are not hitting each other, arguing over a toy or my attention, this is them, learning that sisterhood is above everything else.

Sister love in Baler, Philippines. Credit: Sabs Bengzon