I do... it my way!

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."  Rita Rudner

2008 and still counting

In a few days, Daddy Yo and I are going to say « I do ».

What an exciting time for two person who never really thought we would get married one day!

I never saw marriage as this "ultimate proof" of Love.

Alia is our proof. More than any words, promises or signatures!

We can’t exchange her or divorce her. We are linked to her and to each other through her forever.

But getting married after Alia was the best way to celebrate our new family, bring our families and friends together in a same place and give Alia and our family more security.

So here we are !

We wanted this event to be anything but a hassle, a stress or something we would do to please others.

So we did it our way.

A disorganized way, last minute preparation, improvisation.

This is us!

My girlfriends told me yesterday I was the coolest bride-to-be ever.

But for me, as long as friends, music, food and drinks are there, it will be an awesome party !

It’s a day we are supposed to enjoy.

It’s not a day to impress your loved ones.

It’s a day where you’re supposed to have fun while seeing all your friends and families partying as one big family.

I believe the more you organize every single detail, the less you’ll get to enjoy. As nothing ever goes as you planned it in the first place.

So I choose the unexpected, the improvisation, the surprise!

The big lines are drawn. Let the rest follow.

We will bring a bit from both our cultures and religions.

This day is supposed to look like us.

We chose not to listen to anyone who will try to push us in a way we did not like.

So screw you, detailed plannings and conventions!

I can’t wait to see my family here.

My parents and my sister came here many times.

A few of my friends and cousins are not Island virgins anymore as they visited us already.

But this will be the first time for my best friend, my little brother/childhood friend, my oncles and ants, my little cousins (who are already taller than me) to come. 

And discover where I live !

This will be the first time for my best friend to meet my daugther.

They know how we are.

We’ll do it our way as we always did !

"We're all a little weird.  And life is a little weird.  And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness - and call it love - true love."  Robert Fulghum, True Love

From a mother to another

A few months ago, I was training on the beach with my Dragon Boat team. Our meeting point was right next to the land where the Ati were asked (or forced) to move and build their new village.

Everyday, I could see all their kids playing on the beach, running in the water, building little boats and fishes out of plywood and pulling them happily in the water with a nylon string.

I could see moms breastfeeding their babies. Carrying their child close to them, wrapping them around, wearing them. Attachment parenting is not in the education. It's in the blood.

I saw moms and kids. Like me and Alia. Like any mom and her child in the World.

For those who wonder who the Ati people are, they are the "aboriginals". The first inhabitants of the Visayas archipelago. They have their own language, kept some religious practices of their own and face discrimination. Not to mention their original territory in Boracay is becoming smaller and smaller and smaller every time someone has the opportunity to invest where they used to live freely.

What does not help the Ati community of Boracay is the large number of Ati coming from other places. They invade the sand street of White Beach, beg for money and let very young children sleeping on the floor. Sometimes with babies in their arms or at their feet.

Heartbreaking.

Heartbreaking to see this.

And heartbreaking to know one of the cause of their discrimination is the fact that a lot of people think the Ati Community of Boracay mistreat their children, don’t take care of the youngest and let them beg.

But the Ati community of Boracay is very different. They would like to be a part of our World, our lives.

A few days ago, we were talking with a couple of moms. We want to help them.

Bring them clothes for the kids, clothes diapers for their babies.

Teach them why this is so important to keep a basic hygiene with the babies so diseases will spread less.

And help them having the means to do so.

I talked to Susanne, a wonderful woman who lives in Boracay for many years. She’s doing everything she can to help their Community already. She loved the idea. I messaged many moms around me and so far, I have only amazing feedbacks.

When we will all be set, we will organize a meeting with the Ati moms.

The Boracay Baby Boomers meet the Ati moms.

From mothers to mothers.

Our group is boiling with good intention and ideas : workshops, food sharing, play dates…

I love it and I’m feeling so excited about it !

For the filipino kids in Boracay today, being surrounded by foreigners and mixed kids is normal.

I dream of a future where our kids will not see the Ati kids as a Community apart and discriminated. I wish they will go to school all together, play on the beach and exchange stories. I wish our kids will not make any difference between them and the Ati kids.

I wish...

Let’s work on it !!!

We talked so much about you!

Before Alia came into our lives, we were "party people", travelling, doing sports, living on the beach. When we talked about having a baby, we wanted to be sure we were in synch with what it involved and how we wanted to bring her to the World.

I saw couples who never talked about this things falling apart and fighting about main aspect of education.

I am French. Jewish mom, Catholic dad. My parents raised us in the Jewish culture (and a little bit of religion but not much). I was going to the Synagogue for the main celebrations once a year (twice exceptionnally) when we were not late or skipping it. I stepped in a Church a couple of time for a masse or funerals and weddings but most of the time, I’ve been visiting them as beautiful landmarks.

I travelled in many places around the world since I was 2 years old and I left my parents house to live and study in Paris at 18. I was raised in the countryside and went to school in a public school in a small city and spent my week ends listening to Reggae concerts. I’ve studied Art and Communication, spent an unmesurable nombre of hours in the museum and spent all my week-end partying in my place with friends or drinking Chablis in a small bistrot where Brass band and Jazz band were playing.

Daddy Yo is Filipino. Raised Catholic, altar boy in his young years, born and raised in the Big City of Manila. His grand-dad was in the military and he spent most of his holidays in his farm, learning from him. He spent years playing frisbee and climbing mountains, was a regular in all reggae concerts around his University while drinking beer, lived in his parents place until 28 years-old with four generation in the same house and studied tourism. 

English is both our second language. Boracay became our Home the same year. We had to find a balance to mix all our differences and make our own little blend.

We talked about our  Education. What were the values that were important for both of us? Respect, Family, Tolerance, Communication, Conviviality, Education, Openmindness were part of this Values that are important for us.

We talked about our background. To understand where we were coming from. What our families went through.

We talked about religion. What was important for us. What we were believing in. We learned from each other.

I was living in his country. He came with me to mine. To understand where I grew up, who made me who I am. Went to all the places I used to go as a kid, met my family, friends and neighbors.

Paris, 2010

We learned each other’s cultures, what was taboo in his was not in mine. What was ok in Philippines was not where I grew up (and vice versa). We learned the rules and the customs.

I went to church with him at 5 am for Christmas. It was magic. He watched so many french movies he ended up loving so much. He read « Le petit Prince » (The Little Prince) and made me read « Noli Me Tangere » (The book of their national Hero, Jose Rizal). He's listening to Gainsbourg and I love Freddie Aguilar and Brown Man Revival.

We talked about where I will give birth. What was easier for us? Best for him? Fair for our couple? We decided Manila was the best: It was safe as their hospital are very good. Easy for him to still work in Boracay while I am there waiting for our baby. We could go there at the last moment (and not months ahead as if we'd decide to go back to France). Plus he would need a long visa to stay several months in France. My parents could come more easily in the Philippines than his parents in France.

We talked about religion. How will we bring our kids up? We decided to give her a bit of both. We’ll teach her there are different minds. She will be baptised as it is important for him. I will let him bring her to the church and teach her what he believes in. I will talk to her about my believes also. She might have her own believes one day. We want her openminded.

We talked about our options for school and studies.

About marriage. I did not want a church wedding. He agreed on a civil one.

We talked about what language was important for her to learn. I speak to her in French, Daddy Yo in Tagalog and English is the language she hears all around us. Our helper Ate Jen even speaks to her in Visayan. We want her international.

He respected the fact that I was thinking of bottle feed her. He supported me all the way when I decided to breastfeed.
He respected my choice of not co-sleeping and even bought the crib. But he followed me when I decided to give it a try.

Now Alia is with us, I believe our open talks made a difference. It made it easier for us as we know what to expect in the big lines.

Of course, we will still spend hours talking about the little things when they will come up.

But we know we will stick together when it comes to the main decisions. 

Because we are in together, for the long run. And we are in as a family. Not against each other.

As Anthony Robbins was telling it too well, "To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."

The best accessory a girl can own is confidence!

"Making the decision to have a child -- it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
-- Elizabeth Stone

Being a new mom is not an easy thing.

You have to deal with so much !

Get to know this tiny little munchkin.

Getting to adjust to your new life.

Going back to work or organizing your new life at home.

Dealing with the Daddy Yos.

When you think it’s all done, there’s more!

Adjusting to your new body, the one that changed, the one that will come back to normal eventually. Or not.

Dealing with all the comments of the people surrounding you. The ones that always want you good. The ones that will tell you what to do, how to do it and what’s best for your own child.

And dealing with your new-mom-self-confidence.

I met some people who were telling me I was still quite fat after giving birth. Or wondering why I did not loose the weight yet. Well, I just ignored them. I feel amazing in my body because this exact same body gave me the most wonderful and beautiful baby girl. So if I have a few extra kilos that won’t disapear straight away, I can live with them.

No one can tell me how I should look.

Yes, I have stretch mark. And no, it is not because I was eating too much fat food or was not taking care of myself. I applied the magic creams and oils since day 1 and it did not change anything. My tummy was not even huge. And it did not change anything.

Stretch marks depend of the quality of your skin. And guess what? My skin sucks!

At the begining, I hated them!! Trying to hide them under a one piece swimming suit the first time I went on the beach.

Until my good friend Abbey told me to own it. Not to be ashame. Yes ! She was totally right ! These are our batlle scars! We are moms and this is written on our skin. I always wore two piece bikini, why should I stop now ? If carrying my daughter did this to me, then I should be proud of it !

Plus let’s get real. Who notice it the most? You and other women. Your man does not care about it!

I love getting advices from good friends who want the best for you.

My friend Heather is amazing at this. If you really ask her some advices, she will always be honest, real and give you confidence. Telling you what work for her but never pushing you to follow this yourself. She will always tell you to follow what you think is best for you and your child. To do what works for you.

But some people seem to like telling you how to raise your own child depend on their own preferences. 

Well, people. Alia is my baby and as long as I am not doing something that is threatening her life, I will follow my heart. So I will keep co-sleeping as it works for all of us. I will keep breastfeeding her as long as both of us are good with it. Thank you anyway!

Motherhood is hard on the self confidence of new moms as well.

We doubt. We are scared that this decision might mess up the rest of our child’s life. We compare ourself to other moms.

But every child is different and every mom  is too. Each of our baby require a special need, a special care. The one of his own mom.

We all have a different background, different cultures, we were raised differently as well.

Do not compare yourself to others. We all are in the same basket. Even if it does not look like. At the end of the day, we all have the same questions running in our head.

So rise your head up! You are amazing!!

And you are doing the best you can.

You brought a child into this World and you will raise her to be the best person she can be.

No one is perfect.

As long as we do everything we do with a great love, we cannot go wrong.

Love yourself and trust your way!

Alia's got her first cold!

What a week!

Now, I am totally recovered and Alia got a cold  for the first time in her life. Thanks god, not a bad one. But she has a running nose and a cough.

At least, now she can breastfeed again, she sleeps soundly at night! 

On saturday morning, when I could feed her again, we sat on the couch comfortably. She started drinking two gulps, stopped, looked at me and laughed before eating again for a long time! This laugh was priceless!!!

I don't want to give her medicines as in Boracay, the doctors will mostly prescribe antibiotics. For anything. When it is appropriate and even when it is not necessary.
A few of my friends had antibiotics prescribed to their babies when they did not even needed it.

I am not used to antibiotics for myself and I keep them for when they are REALLY needed. So at least, when I use them, they are very effective on me.
I am more of a homeopathy user for the daily "boo boos" and am using it as well for Alia (teething etc..)

So I am nurturing her and uses natural products.
A lot of milk to keep her hydrated (and water as well), cuddles, kisses... and a shower twice or three times a day as this last days are a roller coaster of hot, cold and rainy weather.

I always remember everything I am eating or drinking is passing through my milk. So I am drinking loads of water as well as ginger tea.

Ginger tea is actually great against colds. Just boil some fresh ginger in water and add some honey (and even lemon) to sweeten the drink. It makes wonders on painful throats.
It is said ginger tea is good also to relieve morning sickness while being pregnant.

A friend of mine gave me another great and delicious recipe for Alia is feel better.
It is called Sopa de Ajo (Garlic Soup):
Simply chop and sauté a lot of garlic in olive oil and add bread. When the bread is golden, add a broth and let it boil. At the end, just add a beaten egg and that's it!!

It made me feel better as I was still recovering and I believe it helps Alia feeling better as well.
So here I am, eating this yummy soup for lunch and dinner.

I also apply some Kid Med from Lawiswis farm (a Palawan based farm that makes all natural products that are sold in Boracay) on Alia's back and chest every couple of hours. This has eucalyptus, neem and other plants that will help her cough getting better.

While waiting for her to totally recover, I let her sleep a lot and I cuddle her until she cannot stand it anymore!!

Love is the best medicine!

Tonight, I will allow myself a good glass of wine to relax after this hectic week! YAY!!