I really wanted to write about the subject until I tumbled upon that read.
And
I had to share it instead, as I won't be able to tell it better than her.
To
The Women Who Choose Not To Have Kids
To the women who choose not to have kids, I have one
thing to say: thank you.
You probably don’t hear it enough. In fact, you probably don’t hear it at all. What you do hear is an array of pro-childbearing responses, such as, “You’ll change your mind someday,” or, “Doesn’t your mother want grandkids?” or, “You’ll never find a husband if you never want to have kids.”
All things considered, “thank you” is probably on the opposite
end of what you hear.You probably don’t hear it enough. In fact, you probably don’t hear it at all. What you do hear is an array of pro-childbearing responses, such as, “You’ll change your mind someday,” or, “Doesn’t your mother want grandkids?” or, “You’ll never find a husband if you never want to have kids.”
But seriously: thank you. Thank you for recognizing that childrearing isn’t for you and being true to who you are. It doesn’t mean you hate kids. It just means that raising one is not part of your path in life.
Thank you for not succumbing to the societal pressures.
I’ve known far too many parents who had kids because that’s what was expected
of them. Working in childcare, you see more of this type than you wish to see.
The resentment is almost palpable. They love their children — at least, they
have no choice but to love their children — but every single movement seems to
scream, “I wasn’t meant for this.” I’ve known too many people who grew up with
at least one parent who harbored that resentment, who let that resentment
dictate how they parented. I’ve seen how that influenced the way these former
children are now as adults, or even as parents themselves.
Thank you for not trying to compromise who you are in
an effort to keep a partner around. Thank you for being honest and open and
refusing to apologize for who you are. Everyone has different values. Everyone
wants something different in life. It takes a lot of guts and confidence to
say, “This is what I want in life. It’s not the orthodox way, but it’s my way.”
Thank you for not trying to silence that feeling in
your gut as a means to validate your life. There are too many people in this
world who cannot figure out their path — or have stumbled while walking down
said path — and decided that maybe having a child could provide that meaning
and definition instead. You understand that down this path lies vicarious
living and hurt emotions and you recognize that there are so many other ways to
find love and meaning and joy in your life.
Raising children is a difficult, onerous,
frustrating, and disappointing gig. It’s tough enough for those who want it. It
is a rewarding and loving gig as well, but it’s not something one should go
into while focusing only on reward and love and societal acceptance. In this
day and age, with a booming population in almost every country, it makes no
sense to pressure every person to have a baby. But we’re sticklers to
tradition, ritualistic to a fault.
So thank you. It’s not easy to stand firm with your
belief. Honestly, truly, and genuinely: thank you.
You can read her post, following this link :
Now, enjoy this time to travel, love and life your way.
