Love Lane

From now on, I will have to repeat my "gratitude for work" mantra every single day until the feeling becomes real. In theory, it is a great lesson of life! In practice... it's a different story.

My first day of work was surprisingly quite fine leaving Alia at home as she was sleeping when I left. The key words are "sleeping when I left"! As yesterday and this morning, she was awake. And that is a COMPLETELY different deal to handle!

I think she was fine actually. But it was a bit harder for me as the guilt grew inside me.

Am I really doing the right choice? Is it really a lesson of life I am teaching her? Is it really a gift I am doing to myself? Yes, I am sure of that.

But am I not going to regret it later? When I will realize she is a little girl and I will miss the "baby her". Am I not going to think I should have enjoyed every single second of her "baby-hood"? That is a thought that was running in my head last night. And I don't have answer to this one...

And while I was still lost in this thought this morning while trying to put her to sleep in her crib, I was questioning as well the usefulness of letting my child cry (even for 10 minutes) in order for her to sleep in her own bed. I will try to stick with this as it is more for her safety than for the sake of it. I know she will crawl anytime soon and if she keeps sleeping in our bed for resting time, there will be a time she will inevitably fall off the bed. If I can, as far as possible avoid it, I will. Safety versus Comfort. Even if the answer is obvious, it does not make it any easier.

I guess THIS IS what being a mom. To constantly make decision for your child without knowing if it is the best.

Listen to your heart and follow it, they say.

But sometimes, even my heart is confused...