“Not all those who wander are lost”

New Year was a very quiet one for me. 

We had dinner at some friends then went on the beach to watch the fireworks for the countdown. 

It was pouring heavy rain and a few meters from the beach, Alia was throwing up her dinner.

So we just waited a couple of minutes until midnight then ran home to cuddle up in bed while Daddy Yo was back on the beach to celebrate.

Alia was a little sick for two days after that but apparently, it was something she ate so it was gone as fast as it came.

I thought 2014 was not a good year for me, looking at its beginning!

But then, hey! You cannot just let it be like this. So I thought I am going to make it a great year.

Then, everything came one after another.

It started by an invitation to help the Philippine Kiteboarding Association during their ITCSI Tour. 

Daddy Yo decided to join the competition while I was part of the crew. Of course, Alia was running around the whole 3 days, happy to have so many people around. 

Santa Maria beach, in Ilocos Sur

Then, they invited me to join the rest of the Tour as the PKA secretary. All expenses paid. 

Guess what? I said yes, of course!

A few days after that, I was offered to write for Boracay Sun, our Island newspaper.

Since it got new owners and they are changing everything to make it more local and life-style focused, I liked the idea and jumped onboard.

The same week, two close friends and I met about this project we were talking about for the past few months and started doing some real work.

Then, the Philippine Swimming Mermaid Academy, for who I am an instructor, offered us some dance class for us to stay in shape for the shows MGM Macau and other hotels start to offer us.

Knowing my parents are coming to visit us soon, we prepared a trip to El Nido, Palawan because we all always wanted to visit this place. Then I had a great idea!

Every year, we are going somewhere in Asia for holidays. And it’s quite a budget.

A street in Vigan

So this year, we will take advantage of the PKA Tour and instead of going around Asia, we will stay home and visit our homeland.

Mid january, we packed our bags and took Alia to spend a few days in Manila with friends and family. 

Then, we took a 8 hours bus to Vigan, Ilocos Norte. We saw some amazing untouched and unspoiled beaches, the beautiful Heritage Town of Vigan and kept on eating amazing food while working on the Tour. 

For the story, Vigan is one of the UNESCO Heritage Site as it is one of the last place in Philippines where you can walk in the Spanish Town. There are amazing old houses and carriages with horses all around that you can take for a visit of the town.

The bus ride was really tough of me. Alia slept all through the trip but laying down on my arm. So I could not sleep or move much. I ended up with a huge and painful stiff neck. 

Alia was once more the star of the event. All the local kids were staring at this little ball of energy who was running on the beach and jumping in the water. So much that even the adults started following her show. 

Of course, she was so happy about the attention and took advantage of it.

Alia, giving a show to the local kids in Vigan

We went back in Manila last Monday, spent time in Republ1c wakeboard Park in Novali, went to the cinema, saw an exhibit of our friend Romeo Lee and packed our bags again to spend the weekend in Caliraya lake.

This time, Roldan’s parents and family convinced us to leave Alia with them so they coud enjoy her company.
Of course, I regretted it as soon as I said yes but well, she is having a blast with her cousins. The problem is me and my total dependance on her. Mother’s love!

We spent 3 days on this breathtaking tiny weeny itsy bitsy island, surrounded by coconut trees, pine trees and clear water. And about 40 kiteboarders!

The place was so small, you could walk all around in about 12 minutes. To reach the island, we had to step on a barge and pull a string to bring us to the shore. Same thing everytime you want to buy something in the store.

I felt like a kid!! I believe I crossed a couple of time just for the pleasure of pulling the barge back and forth!

We had a total blast and it felt as if we were teenagers again.

The only down part was being without Alia. I was scared I would not have any milk for her after that weekend.

I had to hand express a couple of time and it was sore and painful. But it all worth it at the end of the day.

I also got to remember the first time I ever left Alia.

Father and Daughter's playing time in UP, Quezon City

Throw back story, here I am:

It was in August last year. We landed in Paris and left Alia with my parents to meet a friend in his hometown, Rotterdam. Two months back, we met him on the beach of Boracay with a dozen of his friends. All of them were amazing artists from Cirque du Soleil Michael Jackson Immortal Tour and were taking a break for a week.

Pom invited us for his next break in Rotterdam. Luckily, the dates were perfect with our already planned trip to France.

We partied the weekend away of course. One night, we went to this club filled with 20 year-old tall chicks wearing really tight mini dresses and very high heels. After a few beer, I went to the toilet with sore boobs. I locked myself in the toilets while all this young party girls were fixing their makeup and hair while sipping on their mix drinks. I could hear them giggling from inside the toilets while I was pumping and dumping my milk.

And I thought: Yup, that's how rocking moms party!

Rotterdam pier

This is only the beginning of the year and there are more places on our list already.

Next week will be El Nido in Palawan and Malasimbo in Mindoro. Then, the last leg of PKA in Puerto Princesa, Palawan.

Cheers to an adventurous 2014 year!

I just want to pee alone!

Back when I was pregnant and Daddy Yo suggested me we look for a helper, I gasped!

I haven’t been raised with helpers. I will not have one!

Then Alia was born. And the house was a mess!

I had no time to eat my breakfast because Alia was awake or I was passing out next to her the second she would fall asleep. 

I would try to do the laundry (by hand) whenever I was not feeding her, changing her or sleeping with her or I would let Daddy Yo do it after he came back home from work, cooked dinner and washed the dishes of the whole day.

I was crying when she was crying in the middle of the night.

I would call our neighbor, Tita Caiys or our Land lady Ate Sally and ask them to help me when Alia was screaming because of gas and I still didn’t have time to eat lunch or take a shower.

When we had our first helper, I realized how lucky we are in the Philippines to be able to afford hiring someone to help us. 

Back in Europe, having a helper at home the whole day would be a luxury. It would cost one full salary of ours!

Of course suddenly, our house was spottless. I was able to rest more without worrying about food or laundry. The mornings I was really tired, I could hand Alia over and go back to sleep for an hour or two. I could even start socializing a little bit by going out for a dinner or a drink once in a while.

And all this time I would not cook, clean or wash, I can fully spend it with my daughter. Take time to play with her, bring her to the beach, organize play dates with the other mommies. Being relax around her knowing someone is here to do the house chores.

When Alia was 3 months old, I started training for our Dragon Boat competition with Daddy Yo. Sharing an "us" time without Alia. I even enjoyed a few "me" time over manicures with my other mommy friends and no kids !

I had the peace of mind to go back to work knowing Alia was at home, safe in her familiar environment.

I know I can make it without a helper.

I also know I am a better mom when I have some help.

I am less stressed, less tired, less frustrated.

Having someone helping you at home is not shameful. 

It doesn’t mean you are a bad mother or a bad wife. 

It doesn’t mean you can’t do it by yourself or are lazy. 

It doesn’t mean you will just sit around on the couch and eat chips while watching a movie.

It means you value your time.

It means you did not forget that you are also a woman. Not just a wife or a mother.

It means you recognize you also have some needs : sleeping a bit longer sometimes, having a massage and a manicure once in a while, doing sport, going to work, enjoying a date with your husband or a drink with your girlfriends…

We are not machines! Keeping a household is a lot of work and being a mother is a full time job!

Help can come from a nanny, the grand-parents, a friend once in a while.

This issue I used to have about having a helper was about pride. The pride that I could do it by myself.

Now, I learned.

And i am proud to know now how to simply ask for help.

Light my fire!

Thanks to my friend Abbey, we had laughter and smiles today!

Despite the awful and long night, we had a great breakfast. Babies were playing and we also got to stay over for lunch to celebrate Alia's 7th month!! Pizza and pasta party. We took a nice walk around and went home mid-afternoon.

Alia was restless (she didn't took a proper nap since 6:30 am and it was already 4:30 pm) so I decided to walk on the beach for her to fall asleep in the carrier. At least she could rest 30 minutes. Better than nothing. Two friends I met while walking told me the same thing: if there is a next time, check yourself out in a hotel or go to a friend's place for three days. Sleep, rest. It will be easier on your daughter and you'll get to recover fully to be the kicking-mom you are everyday. I hope there won't be a next time, but if ever there is, I'll think twice about this option! As you think about it, it is quite true. How can you recover fully (and go back to breastfeed at night and work during the day) while you are sick, handling almost by your own a frustrated baby who scream during the day and most of the night? You are not helpful at home as you can't breastfeed the baby and every time baby sees you, she doesn't want the bottle anymore and scream.

Anyway, today was a good playdate that lightened my week.

I love playdates with Abbey's son as Alia is always so excited so see him. Plus, she LOVES to copy him. Which is great for her to learn new tricks. Plus, I get to chat with a very good friend.

When we travelled to Malaysia with them three month ago, Alia learnt from her best mate how to play with her tongue and spread saliva all over. She did the trick over and over and still does! Her favorite time to do it? In the morning, to wake us up! A morning shower!!

Alia and I in Kuala Lumpur

When we hanged out for three days in a row in the afternoon two months ago, Alia studied how her mate would jump as a frog (to try to crawl) and tried hard to do the same. Sadly for her, she was too young to do the same as they are a month and a half apart.

Today, she was so proud to show him what she could do on her four but he was even more proud showing off his new skills: standing up by his own!!

Oh, she's trying hard to catch up with him now! When we went home, we put her in her crib for a while and she was trying to grab anything that could help her standing up. If I'd help her, she would grab the side of her crib and stand like this, trying to look over the bed (I'll show you pictures tomorrow as the camera is in the bedroom and I don't want to risk waking up my little crying monster).

Playdates are great times for babies as young as this to learn how to socialize, borrow, lend, share. It will take time for them to get this notions. But the earlier you teach them, the more normal it will become to them.

We have a big group of babies here on the island. We call ourselves the Boracay Baby Boomers. Our kids are between 2 years old and... still on the way. And knowing they will grow together is great as we can really teach them how to act in a group of kids. Patience, kindness, gentleness, politeness with others are some basic I want Alia to learn as young as possible.

But one step at a time!

Tonight is the last rough night and tomorrow, we are back to normal!! More crying from both mother and daughter will be rewarded by a tight cuddle in the morning while breastfeeding. And we will get to forget about this past dark few days!

I can see the light!

Love Lane

From now on, I will have to repeat my "gratitude for work" mantra every single day until the feeling becomes real. In theory, it is a great lesson of life! In practice... it's a different story.

My first day of work was surprisingly quite fine leaving Alia at home as she was sleeping when I left. The key words are "sleeping when I left"! As yesterday and this morning, she was awake. And that is a COMPLETELY different deal to handle!

I think she was fine actually. But it was a bit harder for me as the guilt grew inside me.

Am I really doing the right choice? Is it really a lesson of life I am teaching her? Is it really a gift I am doing to myself? Yes, I am sure of that.

But am I not going to regret it later? When I will realize she is a little girl and I will miss the "baby her". Am I not going to think I should have enjoyed every single second of her "baby-hood"? That is a thought that was running in my head last night. And I don't have answer to this one...

And while I was still lost in this thought this morning while trying to put her to sleep in her crib, I was questioning as well the usefulness of letting my child cry (even for 10 minutes) in order for her to sleep in her own bed. I will try to stick with this as it is more for her safety than for the sake of it. I know she will crawl anytime soon and if she keeps sleeping in our bed for resting time, there will be a time she will inevitably fall off the bed. If I can, as far as possible avoid it, I will. Safety versus Comfort. Even if the answer is obvious, it does not make it any easier.

I guess THIS IS what being a mom. To constantly make decision for your child without knowing if it is the best.

Listen to your heart and follow it, they say.

But sometimes, even my heart is confused...

Good morning World... and good night!

Today was the day I went back to the office! First time in 8 months...

Challenging day as Daddy Yo left at 5am for a short trip to Manila. So, here I and Alia are. Daddiless for three days. Hopefully we have an amazing nanny, Ate Jen, who started working for us when Alia was a month old. It's so important so find someone who you can trust with your eyes closed and leave your baby without worrying every second!

Early this morning, Daddy Yo kissed us goodbye: I was awaken enough to register he was leaving but not enough to really answer him back. "Ummmmmfffff" was the only thing I could actually tell him. Alia was sound asleep next to me. Until 6am, when I heard her giggling and saw her crawling backward, her feet already at the edge of the bed.

THAT woke me up!

After jumping to grab her, putting her back in the middle of the bed and building a wall of pillows (around her and on the floor), I threw all her toys in front of her and allowed myself half an hour of extra sleep (to be ready to go back to work without falling asleep on the keyboard of my computer of my first day).

The next thing I know was that Sophie beat me up. For those who know her, yes that Sophie, the Giraffe, the one and only, infamous, favorite rubber toy for teething! The same one Alia loves to grab, bite, pull, hit and throw. This time, Alia was holding the poor thing by the head and was furiously banging it on the bed (and my head at some point).

Anyway, THAT woke me up pretty hard and for good (I should check for bruises on my face by the way)!

I then, decided I slept enough. Or Alia decided. Even Sophie the Giraffe got into my way of sleeping longer. After a well deserved coffee, a good breakfast, a fast shower, feeding Alia, pumping some milk and preparing myself mentally (more for leaving Alia 5 hours than going back to work), I left under the rain.

Five hours, it is long without her. I rushed home to hear Alia starting crying when I reached the garden. She looked at me with her teary eyes and welcomed me with open arms. My heart melted as I squeezed her and drowned her with kisses!

After giving birth, my friends and I went to a "Mommies and Babies" yoga class. Our amazing and beautiful teacher told us one thing that I will never forget: Moms who are working are lucky. Even if it seems hard to leave our babies behind, we get the chance to miss them, show them a good example of sacrifice and independence, have some time for us and come back home as better moms.

It's going to be hard sometimes, I'll need to adjust myself. But I am grateful I have the opportunity to go back to work and use my brain, set my daughter a good example of independence and feel all her Love flooding me when I come home!

Tomorrow, I am ready again!

Apart from Sophie the Giraffe...

"A cheerful friend is like a sunny day spreading brightness all around!"

Today, we were off to Nabaoi for the second birthday of Alia's friend.

Amazing bamboo house near the river, good food, great company. Most of Alia's friends were there and they got to play, grab each other's hair, swim...

Anyway, let me explain more about Alia's friends. And mine, by the way.

We live on a small island in the Philippines. About 10 square kilometers. And a lot of good friends from everywhere around the world who decided to live the Life by moving here (I am one of them). We manage hotels, own restaurants, teach kitesurfing or yoga, run our small businesses, and party.

Between 2010 and 2012, quite a few of my girlfriends got pregnant (including me): nothing weirdly planned ahead but the fact is more than 10 babies were born, one after another, to create a happy bundle of playmates! And a few more are on their way... How fun you will tell me. Yes, indeed!

But being a mom is hard. And tiring. And frustrating even, sometimes. Come on, if motherhood was easy, dads would do it, right?

So, a few times a week, we meet to go out of the house, have grown-up time while our kids play together, seek for advices, talk about our joys and fears, unload our tiredness and clear our minds on the beach or at each other's place, around a drink or lunch.

Who else better than another mom can understand when you are so tired you hold it against your baby's cry for a second before hating yourself for doing so? Or how hard it can be to cope with the daddies' totally different way to deal with fatherhood (it does not make them any less amazing dads)? Or the challenge to go back to work and keep breastfeeding? The lack of sleep? The body modification? Need I keep going?

I am lucky to live in a place where everybody know each other. Where the longest ride you can take is 15 mins by tricycle, where you can even walk to any places you want to go. Where your work is never far from your house and there is always someone to help you.

I live in a "holiday-spirit" all year round.

But what makes really easier the fact of being a new mom is my group of mommies. Not only our babies already have a lot of playmates to grow up with, I have found way more than just friends. A ear to listen, a shoulder to cry and a good spirit to have a glass of wine and laugh when the babies are sound asleep!