Our World was finally complete

Being a mom of two is some hard work. And I have been busy at it for the past two years.
As one of my last post explained, this pregnancy has been nothing short of a rollercoaster of emotions. I think it was so overwhelming that I needed a break to process everything that happened and mostly to enjoy our healthy baby girl.

We also needed space to become a family of four. So we could allow Alia to find herself in this new configuration. And we had to learn how to become parents of two.

Now, I miss writing about them, life and things going through my mind.
I guess I have to start where I stopped almost two years ago.

Gaia Mayari was born on November 8, 2014 at 3:23am.

She came exactly a year after the Super Typhoon Yolanda hit the Philippines. And she came like a typhoon herself! Fast and painful!

Her first month celebration came on a typhoon day, no kidding..

I will always remember two month before I gave birth. A woman from Manila was in the Island to give some healing sessions and readings. I signed up. When she saw me coming, she did not know I was expecting a baby. She explained me she could not give me a healing session in my state as the emotions that will go through me might affect the baby. But since I was already there, she offered me a reading through cards, for the baby.

I never saw this woman in my life and she did not know me as well. And here she is, telling me my daughter will have a great connection to the Earth and the Moon. And that she is a healer and a Crystal child.

I knew about Rainbow and Indigo children but never really read much about Crystal ones.
But I was amazed as the name we chose for our second daughter was Gaia Mayari.

Gaia means Earth in the Greek mythology. Gaia is the Personnification of the Earth. She is ancestral mother of life.
Mayari, on another hand, is the Goddess of the Moon in the Filipino mythology.

I went home and read about Crystal children. The first characteristic that always came in everything I have read was their large eyes with a communicative and intense stare. The rest of the characteristic of the Crystal children, I would have to wait until she was more grown-up to check if it applied to her, I thought.

The day she was born, I could not stop looking at her immense eyes and her intense and very soothing stare. We were in for a great ride, I said!

It felt so much easier the second time around. I was already used to waking up at night all the time, I didn't take a long break from breastfeeding. It all came naturally.

But the challenges were different. Dealing with two children, giving space to the first one but taking time to bond with the second one.

Of course, there were days when I would put Alia and Gaia down for a nap, close my eyes 2 mins and wake up 2 hours later. Or those evenings when I put them to sleep, think about the movie I'm gonna watch once they are asleep and I wake up for the next feed of Gaia at midnight.

But luckily, Gaia is was an easy and quiet baby. Or maybe she surrendered, giving space to Alia while gathering enough energy to take the space she deserves!

I remember when Alia was born, I couldn't make the difference between days and nights. Each day was the same routine. Alia was feeding every hour and half or two. Plus she was a happy spitter! Puking at every feed because she didn't know how to stop eating! By the time I would feed her, she would puke then go back to sleep with a smile. Then, I would change her diaper and her clothes, change my clothes. Time to go back to sleep, she was awake an hour later to feed again.

With Gaia, it seemed so easy! Since she was born, she was sleeping for a span of 4 hours.
For a few weeks, she was even sleeping 7 hours straight at night. BLISS! Imagine me putting the girls to sleep and running downstairs to open a bottle of wine and a box of chocolate! BLISS I tell you!

Alia was so happy to have a sister. She was her property, her baby, her Gaia, her little sister.

She even scream at the pedia for touching Gaia without asking her first!

The big problem is when she was giggling so much and trying to lift her or squeeze her in a hug. Or pull her little legs to get her closer to her. Every day, we had to learn how to hold our breathe and she had to learn how to handle her very fragile baby sister.



 I used to be so scared to have a second baby. Scared not to be able to love her as much as I loved Alia. Scared not to be able to make a second baby as perfect and beautiful as Alia.


Now, I found out the heart of a mother expends in a magical way. It can hold so much love. When I look at Gaia, she's so perfect. The same way Alia was. Yet they are so different.

Motherhood can easily blow you away more than once it seems! It never gets old.

Letter to Alia

My dearest daughter,

Today, you are one year old.

While you are sound asleep, I want to write you a few words so you can read it later.

A year ago, your tatay and I were welcoming you in our arms, in our life and in our hearts. Since then, there is not one day that passed without you making me smile. Even through pain, tears, doubts and arguments.

You truly are a gift to me!

Being a mom is such a powerful experience. It’s overwhelming, beautiful, painful, fun, scary, magic, intense…

Being your mom is priceless! I will never be able to thank the universe enough for choosing me to birth you and hold your hand to enter in this World.

This year has been the most intense of my life.

Being a parent is not just about you, my love.

It’s about redefining myself and my life. What are my priorities, my new goals, my daily life.

It’s about remembering how it felt to be a child so I can always understand you.

And looking at the way your dad and I were raised. Bring the values our parents tought us and add a twist of what we believe in.

It’s being scared of making a mistake but still doing it because we believe it’s for your best.

It’s about accepting who you are and watching you grow the way you want to.

And it’s about finding our place in this new dynamic as a couple for your dad and I.

Meeting in between, making compromise. Make time for each other.

It has been hard. Some days, I felt like giving up.

But at the end, your dad and I love each other more than all this obstacles.

And you are our glue!

Laughter made us going through this year.

Hearing your laught when discovering everything.

And us, being able to laugh at each other and together.

Laugh is the best remedy, my love. The only medicine in life.

And I am grateful for this year that has been filled with laughter and love.

When I hear you calling me « maman », my heart is swealing, ready to explose with joy and love. When you hug me and kiss me, feed from me and play with my mouth with your little hand, laugh out loud and dance, jump on us to say good morning, I sometimes feel like crying.

That’s how powerful it is. That’s how huge my love is for you. That’s how overwhelming and beautiful it is to know you are made out of a little of your dad and a little of me.

If sometimes, I loose my patience, I apologize. I can be weak when I am tired. And everyday, I am reminding myself this is not the way I want to be with you.

Sometimes, I am a bit harder with you. But it’s to protect you from something that can be dangerous for you. It’s out of fear to see you harm and not against you.

I want to give you a happy life. Filled with love and fun.

            I want you to experience things by yourself. Get hurt and know I will always be here

            to listen to and advise you. Because, this is the way you will learn and grow.

I want you to travel a lot and be exposed to different cultures and places because that will be your most valuable lesson in life.

I want you to be confident. You are loved! You are a beautiful soul. You are a happy spirit.

Never try to impress people. Always be who you are.

Always believe in yourself. And if you don’t, I will be here to believe twice as much.

This is how much I love you.

Because you are the light in my life. And the reason why I smile everyday.

Happy birthday, my love.

Alia, cuddling her new Rocking Horse

A message from your Tatay:

Alia, you keep me alive.

The way you show me your love melt my heart.

You truly are the life and love between your mom and me.

Keep it up! Ahoooo!

Love, Tatay.

I just want to pee alone!

Back when I was pregnant and Daddy Yo suggested me we look for a helper, I gasped!

I haven’t been raised with helpers. I will not have one!

Then Alia was born. And the house was a mess!

I had no time to eat my breakfast because Alia was awake or I was passing out next to her the second she would fall asleep. 

I would try to do the laundry (by hand) whenever I was not feeding her, changing her or sleeping with her or I would let Daddy Yo do it after he came back home from work, cooked dinner and washed the dishes of the whole day.

I was crying when she was crying in the middle of the night.

I would call our neighbor, Tita Caiys or our Land lady Ate Sally and ask them to help me when Alia was screaming because of gas and I still didn’t have time to eat lunch or take a shower.

When we had our first helper, I realized how lucky we are in the Philippines to be able to afford hiring someone to help us. 

Back in Europe, having a helper at home the whole day would be a luxury. It would cost one full salary of ours!

Of course suddenly, our house was spottless. I was able to rest more without worrying about food or laundry. The mornings I was really tired, I could hand Alia over and go back to sleep for an hour or two. I could even start socializing a little bit by going out for a dinner or a drink once in a while.

And all this time I would not cook, clean or wash, I can fully spend it with my daughter. Take time to play with her, bring her to the beach, organize play dates with the other mommies. Being relax around her knowing someone is here to do the house chores.

When Alia was 3 months old, I started training for our Dragon Boat competition with Daddy Yo. Sharing an "us" time without Alia. I even enjoyed a few "me" time over manicures with my other mommy friends and no kids !

I had the peace of mind to go back to work knowing Alia was at home, safe in her familiar environment.

I know I can make it without a helper.

I also know I am a better mom when I have some help.

I am less stressed, less tired, less frustrated.

Having someone helping you at home is not shameful. 

It doesn’t mean you are a bad mother or a bad wife. 

It doesn’t mean you can’t do it by yourself or are lazy. 

It doesn’t mean you will just sit around on the couch and eat chips while watching a movie.

It means you value your time.

It means you did not forget that you are also a woman. Not just a wife or a mother.

It means you recognize you also have some needs : sleeping a bit longer sometimes, having a massage and a manicure once in a while, doing sport, going to work, enjoying a date with your husband or a drink with your girlfriends…

We are not machines! Keeping a household is a lot of work and being a mother is a full time job!

Help can come from a nanny, the grand-parents, a friend once in a while.

This issue I used to have about having a helper was about pride. The pride that I could do it by myself.

Now, I learned.

And i am proud to know now how to simply ask for help.

A year to remember!

The best gift 2012 brought me!

I am welcoming 2013 with a smile. Though, I was not in a hurry for this year to come to an end.

Despite a few down, which is part of life, 2012 has been an amazing year for me.

A year I will cherish and remember all my life.

First, I became a mother. 2012 brought me the most wonderful, fun, strong, beautiful and stuborn daugther. What can make a year more beautiful than the birth of your first child ?

On top of this, it brought me a husband: loving, sweet, funny, disorganized and irritating sometimes but an awesome dad.

And finally, it brought us a home. In the process. But 2012 was the year it started.

We traveled to Malaysia, France and Switzerland.

We welcomed our whole families and friends for the first time in Boracay.

I strengthen some friendships that I believe will last for a very very long time.

We lost some beloved ones.

I shed tears of sadness and happiness.

We argued.

I grew and learnt a lot.

2012 made my world turn upside down!

And at the end of the day, I find my strength in Alia.

She was what made 2012 the best year of my life.

When I look back at 2011 and 2012, things are going better and better.

I know where I am going, what I want and I cannot wait to see what 2013 is holding for me.

Bring it on !

Happy New Year to all from the Astronaut family!

May 2013 be filled with love, laughter, fun & health!

Together we can do so much!

Daddy Yo left for a few days in Manila as his grand-father passed away.

We did not go with him: Alia is very young to witness a wake and funerals.

My morning love affair!

A day before the bad news, our nanny left the house for good, unexpectedly.

So here I am, alone with Alia for already 5 days. Not being able to go to work as long as I don't have a new nanny to take care of Alia.

Good thing Daddy Yo is coming back tomorrow.

Our morning walk on the way to a friend for lunch

A dear friend of mine welcomed me in her house while Daddy Yo is not with us so I won't be totally left alone. 

The though of being just the two of us was a bit overwhelming for me! 

We live quite far (as far as a 7 kilometers long island can be) from the center so I did not want to feel cut from the World for a week.

Frankly? I am exhausted! 

Alia's tooth number 7 went out and I have plenty of bruises from bites to testify.

And she is missing her Daddy Yo so she has been a bit cranky this past two days, having the first tantrums of her life, throwing herself on the floor, rolling and screaming, arching her back and saying a long and sad: "Babaaa"! Heartbreaking! And frustrating!

A new playmate and a lot of laughter this morning!

But we had quite a lot of good bonding and laugh trip and cuddles this past 5 days!

Eating delicious food, walking on the beach with my friend, swimming, listening to beautiful Christmas songs, having lunch in our friend's place who baked an amazing Lemon bar, dealing with Alia alone.

We had a couple of visit, a play date with a friend's little girl who wanted to hug Alia all the time, an unexpected play date with the neighbor little boy who was laughing out loud with Alia, an amazing Christmas party at work with a mascarade theme, a few accidents with a bump on the head, a lot of mosquito bites (despite the plug, the long sleeves and legged pajama and the Citronella) and a baby shower this afternoon.

Alia's face look like she has chicken pox due to a lot of mosquitoes on the first night. So last night, when we had to go to the Christmas party at my work (it's in a big, lust, beautiful garden), I almost bathed her in Citronella oil. Not a single new bites!!! But we had to soap her hard this morning to remove the sticky feeling!

Covered with Citronella oil from head to toes before going to our Christmas party!

I am lucky my friends and my friend's helper took Alia when I needed it the most, carried her while I was eating, played with her while I needed a break or a shower. And Alia was behaving most of the time! Lucky mommy!

She even charmed every single workers who were fixing my friend's bamboo wall every day. They all fell in love with her as she was crawling to the window to smile at them or follow them intrigued.

I am in awe in front of the single moms, even more than I used to be. What a hard job!

Blessed we are who have husbands or help at home! Who can pass our babies on for an hour to take a long shower or eat with our two hands!

Alia was already blessed with a couple of gifts from friends and work. But I did not open them yet. I will put them under our new Christmas tree! I will tell you this story in a couple of days!

At our "Mascarade" Christmas party!

I am beyond excitement to see Daddy Yo again tomorrow and I need rest. But if I have to spend another week alone with my little love, I will gladly do it  all over again!

The two of us are a good team!!

Where there is love there is life

Alia is the happy type of kid.

And I cannot be more grateful for her to be this way !

There is not a day that passes without me to smile a thousand time thanks to her.

An afternoon at home just the two of us!

She loves playing peak-a-boo.

She loves dancing and moving her hands in a close/open motion.

She laugh out loud when we kiss her tummy.

She closes her eyes and smiles when she feels the wind on her face in the trike.

She loves climbing the couch to get the TV remote whe we try to hide it on top of it.

She absolutely loves to put her little hand in our puppy's mouth and giggles when Pampu lick her hand.

She loves crawling around the house without a diaper and throw all my beauty products on the floor. 

She loves to swim in the ocean.

And I love her so!

She smiles to people in the street, in the trikes and make them smile.

About a month ago, I was walking on the beach with Alia on her sling on my hips. I felt someone was following me. I looked back and saw two kids about 7 and 9, jumping behind me and doing faces to make Alia laugh. And she was laughing so much. They kept following me and entertain her for about 10 to 15 minutes until I had to enter in this shop I was going in.

Alia with her favorite tito, Ken and Chocnut the dog

In Boracay, she starts to be known among the tricyle drivers for the baby that smiles to them, laugh out loud if they smile back to her and pinches them if they do not pay attention.

And they always end up smiling, laughing and making faces along with her.

Alia is totally obsessed with trikes. Every time we hop in one, she’ll be excited and trying to reach the handles and the breaks.

Quite a few drivers will turn their mirror facing her so she can look at herself in it and laugh.

Some of them spend the trip making faces to amuse her.

All of them will laugh along with her.

And I always am one proud mommy seeing her spreading happiness around her at such a young age.

Isn’t it promising for the future ?

Happy Buddha: her Halloween costume

Yesterday when we went home from a play date with her buddies and my mommies friends, she was so happy to see her Daddy Yo. While breastfeeding, she stopped, turned her back to me and hugged her Daddy Yo! A long hug, her two arms around his neck.

He melted!

Playing and cuddling

He then left the room to let Alia sleep. As he closed the door of the room, I saw her crawling to the door, sit next to it and say "Baba?". He came back in until she was settled with me in bed.

Once alone with her, I felt a tear rolling on my cheek. She was breastfeeding and I was just happy to have her in my life.

Love is very powerful.

Playing with the computer while Skyping with her Lola back in France

We talked so much about you!

Before Alia came into our lives, we were "party people", travelling, doing sports, living on the beach. When we talked about having a baby, we wanted to be sure we were in synch with what it involved and how we wanted to bring her to the World.

I saw couples who never talked about this things falling apart and fighting about main aspect of education.

I am French. Jewish mom, Catholic dad. My parents raised us in the Jewish culture (and a little bit of religion but not much). I was going to the Synagogue for the main celebrations once a year (twice exceptionnally) when we were not late or skipping it. I stepped in a Church a couple of time for a masse or funerals and weddings but most of the time, I’ve been visiting them as beautiful landmarks.

I travelled in many places around the world since I was 2 years old and I left my parents house to live and study in Paris at 18. I was raised in the countryside and went to school in a public school in a small city and spent my week ends listening to Reggae concerts. I’ve studied Art and Communication, spent an unmesurable nombre of hours in the museum and spent all my week-end partying in my place with friends or drinking Chablis in a small bistrot where Brass band and Jazz band were playing.

Daddy Yo is Filipino. Raised Catholic, altar boy in his young years, born and raised in the Big City of Manila. His grand-dad was in the military and he spent most of his holidays in his farm, learning from him. He spent years playing frisbee and climbing mountains, was a regular in all reggae concerts around his University while drinking beer, lived in his parents place until 28 years-old with four generation in the same house and studied tourism. 

English is both our second language. Boracay became our Home the same year. We had to find a balance to mix all our differences and make our own little blend.

We talked about our  Education. What were the values that were important for both of us? Respect, Family, Tolerance, Communication, Conviviality, Education, Openmindness were part of this Values that are important for us.

We talked about our background. To understand where we were coming from. What our families went through.

We talked about religion. What was important for us. What we were believing in. We learned from each other.

I was living in his country. He came with me to mine. To understand where I grew up, who made me who I am. Went to all the places I used to go as a kid, met my family, friends and neighbors.

Paris, 2010

We learned each other’s cultures, what was taboo in his was not in mine. What was ok in Philippines was not where I grew up (and vice versa). We learned the rules and the customs.

I went to church with him at 5 am for Christmas. It was magic. He watched so many french movies he ended up loving so much. He read « Le petit Prince » (The Little Prince) and made me read « Noli Me Tangere » (The book of their national Hero, Jose Rizal). He's listening to Gainsbourg and I love Freddie Aguilar and Brown Man Revival.

We talked about where I will give birth. What was easier for us? Best for him? Fair for our couple? We decided Manila was the best: It was safe as their hospital are very good. Easy for him to still work in Boracay while I am there waiting for our baby. We could go there at the last moment (and not months ahead as if we'd decide to go back to France). Plus he would need a long visa to stay several months in France. My parents could come more easily in the Philippines than his parents in France.

We talked about religion. How will we bring our kids up? We decided to give her a bit of both. We’ll teach her there are different minds. She will be baptised as it is important for him. I will let him bring her to the church and teach her what he believes in. I will talk to her about my believes also. She might have her own believes one day. We want her openminded.

We talked about our options for school and studies.

About marriage. I did not want a church wedding. He agreed on a civil one.

We talked about what language was important for her to learn. I speak to her in French, Daddy Yo in Tagalog and English is the language she hears all around us. Our helper Ate Jen even speaks to her in Visayan. We want her international.

He respected the fact that I was thinking of bottle feed her. He supported me all the way when I decided to breastfeed.
He respected my choice of not co-sleeping and even bought the crib. But he followed me when I decided to give it a try.

Now Alia is with us, I believe our open talks made a difference. It made it easier for us as we know what to expect in the big lines.

Of course, we will still spend hours talking about the little things when they will come up.

But we know we will stick together when it comes to the main decisions. 

Because we are in together, for the long run. And we are in as a family. Not against each other.

As Anthony Robbins was telling it too well, "To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."

The best accessory a girl can own is confidence!

"Making the decision to have a child -- it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
-- Elizabeth Stone

Being a new mom is not an easy thing.

You have to deal with so much !

Get to know this tiny little munchkin.

Getting to adjust to your new life.

Going back to work or organizing your new life at home.

Dealing with the Daddy Yos.

When you think it’s all done, there’s more!

Adjusting to your new body, the one that changed, the one that will come back to normal eventually. Or not.

Dealing with all the comments of the people surrounding you. The ones that always want you good. The ones that will tell you what to do, how to do it and what’s best for your own child.

And dealing with your new-mom-self-confidence.

I met some people who were telling me I was still quite fat after giving birth. Or wondering why I did not loose the weight yet. Well, I just ignored them. I feel amazing in my body because this exact same body gave me the most wonderful and beautiful baby girl. So if I have a few extra kilos that won’t disapear straight away, I can live with them.

No one can tell me how I should look.

Yes, I have stretch mark. And no, it is not because I was eating too much fat food or was not taking care of myself. I applied the magic creams and oils since day 1 and it did not change anything. My tummy was not even huge. And it did not change anything.

Stretch marks depend of the quality of your skin. And guess what? My skin sucks!

At the begining, I hated them!! Trying to hide them under a one piece swimming suit the first time I went on the beach.

Until my good friend Abbey told me to own it. Not to be ashame. Yes ! She was totally right ! These are our batlle scars! We are moms and this is written on our skin. I always wore two piece bikini, why should I stop now ? If carrying my daughter did this to me, then I should be proud of it !

Plus let’s get real. Who notice it the most? You and other women. Your man does not care about it!

I love getting advices from good friends who want the best for you.

My friend Heather is amazing at this. If you really ask her some advices, she will always be honest, real and give you confidence. Telling you what work for her but never pushing you to follow this yourself. She will always tell you to follow what you think is best for you and your child. To do what works for you.

But some people seem to like telling you how to raise your own child depend on their own preferences. 

Well, people. Alia is my baby and as long as I am not doing something that is threatening her life, I will follow my heart. So I will keep co-sleeping as it works for all of us. I will keep breastfeeding her as long as both of us are good with it. Thank you anyway!

Motherhood is hard on the self confidence of new moms as well.

We doubt. We are scared that this decision might mess up the rest of our child’s life. We compare ourself to other moms.

But every child is different and every mom  is too. Each of our baby require a special need, a special care. The one of his own mom.

We all have a different background, different cultures, we were raised differently as well.

Do not compare yourself to others. We all are in the same basket. Even if it does not look like. At the end of the day, we all have the same questions running in our head.

So rise your head up! You are amazing!!

And you are doing the best you can.

You brought a child into this World and you will raise her to be the best person she can be.

No one is perfect.

As long as we do everything we do with a great love, we cannot go wrong.

Love yourself and trust your way!

Light my fire!

Thanks to my friend Abbey, we had laughter and smiles today!

Despite the awful and long night, we had a great breakfast. Babies were playing and we also got to stay over for lunch to celebrate Alia's 7th month!! Pizza and pasta party. We took a nice walk around and went home mid-afternoon.

Alia was restless (she didn't took a proper nap since 6:30 am and it was already 4:30 pm) so I decided to walk on the beach for her to fall asleep in the carrier. At least she could rest 30 minutes. Better than nothing. Two friends I met while walking told me the same thing: if there is a next time, check yourself out in a hotel or go to a friend's place for three days. Sleep, rest. It will be easier on your daughter and you'll get to recover fully to be the kicking-mom you are everyday. I hope there won't be a next time, but if ever there is, I'll think twice about this option! As you think about it, it is quite true. How can you recover fully (and go back to breastfeed at night and work during the day) while you are sick, handling almost by your own a frustrated baby who scream during the day and most of the night? You are not helpful at home as you can't breastfeed the baby and every time baby sees you, she doesn't want the bottle anymore and scream.

Anyway, today was a good playdate that lightened my week.

I love playdates with Abbey's son as Alia is always so excited so see him. Plus, she LOVES to copy him. Which is great for her to learn new tricks. Plus, I get to chat with a very good friend.

When we travelled to Malaysia with them three month ago, Alia learnt from her best mate how to play with her tongue and spread saliva all over. She did the trick over and over and still does! Her favorite time to do it? In the morning, to wake us up! A morning shower!!

Alia and I in Kuala Lumpur

When we hanged out for three days in a row in the afternoon two months ago, Alia studied how her mate would jump as a frog (to try to crawl) and tried hard to do the same. Sadly for her, she was too young to do the same as they are a month and a half apart.

Today, she was so proud to show him what she could do on her four but he was even more proud showing off his new skills: standing up by his own!!

Oh, she's trying hard to catch up with him now! When we went home, we put her in her crib for a while and she was trying to grab anything that could help her standing up. If I'd help her, she would grab the side of her crib and stand like this, trying to look over the bed (I'll show you pictures tomorrow as the camera is in the bedroom and I don't want to risk waking up my little crying monster).

Playdates are great times for babies as young as this to learn how to socialize, borrow, lend, share. It will take time for them to get this notions. But the earlier you teach them, the more normal it will become to them.

We have a big group of babies here on the island. We call ourselves the Boracay Baby Boomers. Our kids are between 2 years old and... still on the way. And knowing they will grow together is great as we can really teach them how to act in a group of kids. Patience, kindness, gentleness, politeness with others are some basic I want Alia to learn as young as possible.

But one step at a time!

Tonight is the last rough night and tomorrow, we are back to normal!! More crying from both mother and daughter will be rewarded by a tight cuddle in the morning while breastfeeding. And we will get to forget about this past dark few days!

I can see the light!

For better or For Worse

The worst thing that could happen to the breastfeeding mom I am just happened.

I am not allowed to breastfeed Alia for 3 days due to an intake of antibiotics.

It's been a few days I was feeling tired and my throat was sightly painful but I did not mind it as we were too busy packing our stuffs to move in a bigger place.

We moved in on Sunday (thankfully, good friends of Daddy Yo did ALL the "carrying-all-the-heavy-boxes so I didn't have to carry anything but Alia) and I spent the evening unpacking things. On monday morning, I woke up and carried some furnitures to put them here and there and unpacked some more boxes before going to work.

In the evening, I started to feel really tired.
Then cold. I live in the Philippines and it's never really cold here.
I went to sleep early with Alia and woke up shaking. Daddy Yo covered me with a lot of blankets but I was still cold. I check my temperature: 38.5°C!

My head was painful, my glands were swollen in the throat and I was feverish.
I spent the night feeding Alia and waking up because of the pain.

On tuesday, thankfully, I was allowed to stay at home until I recover. The whole day, the fever went up and down and the pain was so strong in the whole area of my head. I slept more than Alia. The only way I could sleep was to put this iced gel pack on my eyes.

In the evening, I was shaking again. I went to sleep with 38.8°C.

Last night was the same than the night before. Waking up all the time, taking paracetamol, putting some iced gel pack on my eyes.

This morning, we went straight to the doctor who explained me I am having an infection due to nasal congestion that leads to an ear congestion. The only way I could recover was antibiotics and pain killers.

I asked her if, by any chances, this antibiotics was compatible with breastfeeding and of course, she explained me that most antibiotics are not, this one included.
She saw the tears coming up my eyes and told me she could give me the 3 days solution. I accepted, went home, cried while pumping, feed Alia and took my medicines.

The only good thing is I always had so much milk I was pumping and freezing it just in case something like this would happen. So Alia has like 2 liters of milk inside the fridge. She will still drink my milk but out of a bottle. Milk in a separate freezer can stay up to 6 months frozen. Think about it!!!

Since I took my medicines, she had a very hard time falling asleep because she didn't understand why she could not breastfeed before sleeping. We fed her her lunch and still she was pulling my shirt and crying.

And my heart is breaking...

The hardest gonna be during the nights as she never wanted to take a bottle if I was next to her. We might put her in her crib as it will be worst if she can smell my milk.

Daddy Yo and I are going to have a few long nights ahead of us...