Are we there yet?

"Each day of our lives, we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." Charles R. Swindoll

Playing in the park in Chartres

This past years have been challenging in many ways as Daddy Yo went to work abroad for the low season. It is the third summer I am spending alone with Alia and Gaia and of course, it is not a reason for us to stop the adventures! Last year, we went to visit my family in France then Daddy Yo in the USA. It was the first time for Gaia to go out of the Philippines, so it was quite an adventure for her! This year, we travelled to France and Switzerland. 

This is about me, the two girls, a big luggage, a couple of passport and too many airplanes.

Being a single parent is hard. I mean, you always have the perks of it: 

No one to fight over the movie to watch at night.

No one to fight over that last piece of chocolate or cheese after the children are gone to bed.

I am in charge of the menu, which means more healthy meals! (wink wink Daddy Yo!)

I am in charge of bedtime by myself, which means kids are going to sleep early and are not over excited and over stimulated right before sleeping (wink wink Daddy Yo!)

I am in charge of activities and daily schedule, which means I do not have a bad surprise when coming back from the shower seing kids painting on each other with textile paint.

Rolling down the hill

But it also can be overwhelming at time. And frustrating. Very frustrating.

I have very little break time. The kids are asking for my undivided attention at all time. Both of them. At the same time. Over different things.

One wants to breastfeed while the other one wants a cuddle. One wants to sit on my laps so the other one wants too. One is sick and needs me a lot more. The other one wants the same. One wants me to feed her, so I end up not eating with two children on my laps, feeding both of them.

Snack time!!!!!!!

And I am here in the middle. Pouring my love on them. Playing good cop, bad cop. Not having anyone who can step in and take over when I am ready to explode. And there are times when it gets to a point when I am craving to get my body back for an hour, a day. When no one will ask for me, touch me, grab me, climb on me, bite me, pull me, hang on my leg… It is a weird feeling when it seems your body doesn’t belong to you anymore. Not an single second of the day. 

Even at night :)

When Daddy Yo is here, we can share this. If one girl need me, he can take care of the other one. If I put one girl down for a nap, he will do something with the other one. They can share their needs between both of us. It seems a small, petty thing, but after 6 months of being more than their everything, it is hard for me. We may have a nanny but they don’t want them as they want their parents, of course. At least I am glad for that! They can still make the difference! 

I love them as much, maybe even more as the bonding is of every minute and we carry each other everyday. But It is also weary some days.

I first spent 3 months in France. And it never felt better being home than this year. 

The vibe, the choice of food from the market, the variety of activities for the kids. This year just felt good and I will get back to why it felt so good in the next post.

Poney ride in the countryside and around the lake.

While there, I had my parents and sister to share the attention of the kids with. And most important, my childhood friends, sister and parents to talk to at night. Once the girls were asleep, I would sneak out of the room and sit with my childhood friends and sister over a beer. Or sit on my parents bed and watch a movie or talk, talk and talk. After being a mother all day, it feels nice to feel like a child again, sometimes. Curled up on the foot of their bed. 

Sliding in Jardin du Luxembourg,
Paris

After we travelled back to Boracay, that was the hardest part to adjust to. Once the girls are asleep, it is me, myself and I. 

Long, silent evenings. 

No one to share the hard day I had with two sick children, or the homesickness of being back from my hometown, or the tantrums I had to deal with other than waiting for Daddy Yo to wake up over the computer and chat with him for a bit while he gets ready to work.

But it still is nothing, these challenges, compared to the gift and magic of having well travelled and adventurous children. 

To get to explore the World and our own limit with them, see their eyes get filled with excitement and slowly understand the World unfolding in front of them. 

To see them open their heart, their mind to so many different people and culture. And to never forget how it is to be a child. 

Because we all can. Just kneel down and look through their eyes. There is just love for us and amazing adventures awaiting.

A stroll in the French countryside under the rain.

If you travel with young children by yourself, talk to them, always. 

I kept on telling them: We are a team. It is us against the rest of the World. It is gonna be hard for me, this trip as the only adult. So you guys gonna have to help me. Check on each other, check on me as much as I will check on you. Never leave my side. Never leave your sister's side. Be patient as much as I will be. This is one long day and then, it will be over. Let's hold each other's hand and work through it as a team. 

And guess what? It works! Yes, kids are smart and sensitive enough to understand all of the challenges. They can adapt. They can be the best team mates you would ever imagine. Just give them the chance to be. You might be surprised! 

Now, Alia's favorite mantra is "Family hug! We are family! Gaia, it is you and me forever!". 

When they are not hitting each other, arguing over a toy or my attention, this is them, learning that sisterhood is above everything else.

Sister love in Baler, Philippines. Credit: Sabs Bengzon

"Everything you can imagine is real"

It's been ages I haven't wrote even though I thought about it every single week.
Our beginning of year was crazier than we even expected!

Alia, in Vigan, enjoying the crowd watching her show 

Here we were after Vigan, going to Caliraya (for a "no-kid" weekend) then back to Boracay for a couple of days only, before flying again to Manila and picking up my parents. We flew directly to El Nido, Palawan in a beautiful place we rented for a week. Between days chilling in the swimming pool and boat trips discovering the beautiful beaches around, we didn't have time to get bored! Unfortunately, Alia got sick and ended up with 39.9° of fever in the middle of a boat trip we had to cut short to rush to the nearest clinic. The day after, she was fine! And it was the end of our Palawan holidays.

Tatay and daughter time in the middle of the kites for Daddy Yo's first competition

Visiting Vigan by night on a horse-drawn carriage

Alia still managed to visit the secret lagoon, where she had to jump off the boat, swim in open sea for a 150 meters, pass under the rocky mountain to end up in a hidden cove with an amazing white sand beach! She was less scared than me and enjoyed the swim back and forth so much!

We got to see Sea Turtles swimming around the boat, great places you can only access by boat and stay in a really relaxing place, away from the noise, the crowd and the bars.

Alia, at the hidden cove, after the long swim!

El Nido, view from our room...

Back in Manila, we had to think again about our plans to celebrate her second birthday under the tents in Malasimbo Festival. As she was feeling better but had a slight fever again when we arrived in Manila, we decided it was safer to cancel our musical trip. We don't want to risk anything when we are camping in the middle of nowhere!

So here we were, going back to Boracay earlier than expected to celebrate Alia's Indian second birthday! We had a fun little barbecue party with her and our closest friends and an afternoon of fun outside with the kiddie pool and the water hose.

Indian cake for an indian party!

After a week and half with my parents, enjoying Boracay and the house, we finally had some time for us. We cancelled our trip to Puerto Princesa, as we believed Alia needed to enjoy her friends and stay a bit home: our little trail-blazer needed some rest.

Enjoying our "no-kid" weekend with friends

We then, planned the next part of our adventure year.
As Daddy Yo really wanted to work for a season abroad and got an invitation in a really cool kite school in Sri Lanka, he booked his tickets for 3 months there.
I and Alia decided to visit my family ahead of time this year so I could spend my 30st birthday at home.

So here we are, in France! Missing Daddy Yo every single day and we know he does too. But I am thrilled he's realizing one of his wish of spending a season abroad and enjoying it!

Alia becoming a country girl but doesn't forget to put lipstick on first

Due to health issue, I had to extend my trip to another month. It's been a long and rocky road but now, I'm all good and happy. Homesick. But grateful the worries are behind me!

All I want for Christmas

The end of the year has been a very weird one.


I always love Christmas time. It is about getting together, cooking, finding the special thing to offer to your loved ones.

We started Christmas by a really nice get together with all the moms, dads and babies of our Baby Boomers group. And I hosted it. It was like a storm just passed through my house again! But how joyful was this day!

All moms came with something to grill or cooked. I baked loads of cinnamon biscuits that we hang in the Christmas tree. We had an exchange gift for all the kids to enjoy this special day.

We ended up with 13 moms, 6 dads and 16 kids in the house.

The day was so hot and sunny, we set up the little pool and the inflatable slide. The kids were running around, playing with water, the parents were enjoying the laughter and the wine.


On Christmas day, we welcomed Daddy Yo's family for the first time in our house. His parents, sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew. And of course, our closest Island family: Bogs, Lian and the kids.

Lechon for dinner!

Mostly Alia's gifts of course..

Live music

Astro tatay got an astro bag!

My sister-in law and Lian, my partner in crime

After spending the all day cooking, I ended up a little off. I realized I missed my family for Christmas.
It's been 7 years since I spent my last Christmas with them, in my parents place.

We usually all gather there, in the countryside, cook all together and set up a buffet.

We eat foie gras and seafood and drink wine around the chimney then open the gifts under the big pine-smelling tree standing in the veranda.

You can guess the cold outside but you cannot feel it as the whole house is warm from love and burning wood.


There is that smell of Christmas that I missed this year. The wood. From the fire and from the tree.


When everyone is satisfied, some go to sleep and some stay around the fire drinking more wine and talking until we all cannot stay awake anymore. Everyone will go back to its bedroom or mattress thrown on the floor.

In the morning, we will all wake up slowly and meet in the kitchen to finish the night's left over.
Foie Gras, fresh juice and tea was my Christmas breakfast until I moved here, in the Philippines.

We will all get ready and play with the kids. Then, we will take a walk in the countryside before eating some more. After lunch, some will go home. Some will stay for an extra couple of days.

When we are together with my family, we always try to extend every minute or hours to keep that warm feeling in the air.

Then, the house is quiet again. But the smell of the wood is there.

This year, i was not there with them again. And it was the last Christmas we got with my uncle, Gilles.
He left us suddenly on the morning of the 31st, his amazing wife by his side, as always.

Next Christmas, I will be in France, with my family. I want Alia to experience the warmth of the winter in our house. I will miss my uncle's bad jokes. But I will be with them. And I will smell the wood.

Letter to Alia

My dearest daughter,

Today, you are one year old.

While you are sound asleep, I want to write you a few words so you can read it later.

A year ago, your tatay and I were welcoming you in our arms, in our life and in our hearts. Since then, there is not one day that passed without you making me smile. Even through pain, tears, doubts and arguments.

You truly are a gift to me!

Being a mom is such a powerful experience. It’s overwhelming, beautiful, painful, fun, scary, magic, intense…

Being your mom is priceless! I will never be able to thank the universe enough for choosing me to birth you and hold your hand to enter in this World.

This year has been the most intense of my life.

Being a parent is not just about you, my love.

It’s about redefining myself and my life. What are my priorities, my new goals, my daily life.

It’s about remembering how it felt to be a child so I can always understand you.

And looking at the way your dad and I were raised. Bring the values our parents tought us and add a twist of what we believe in.

It’s being scared of making a mistake but still doing it because we believe it’s for your best.

It’s about accepting who you are and watching you grow the way you want to.

And it’s about finding our place in this new dynamic as a couple for your dad and I.

Meeting in between, making compromise. Make time for each other.

It has been hard. Some days, I felt like giving up.

But at the end, your dad and I love each other more than all this obstacles.

And you are our glue!

Laughter made us going through this year.

Hearing your laught when discovering everything.

And us, being able to laugh at each other and together.

Laugh is the best remedy, my love. The only medicine in life.

And I am grateful for this year that has been filled with laughter and love.

When I hear you calling me « maman », my heart is swealing, ready to explose with joy and love. When you hug me and kiss me, feed from me and play with my mouth with your little hand, laugh out loud and dance, jump on us to say good morning, I sometimes feel like crying.

That’s how powerful it is. That’s how huge my love is for you. That’s how overwhelming and beautiful it is to know you are made out of a little of your dad and a little of me.

If sometimes, I loose my patience, I apologize. I can be weak when I am tired. And everyday, I am reminding myself this is not the way I want to be with you.

Sometimes, I am a bit harder with you. But it’s to protect you from something that can be dangerous for you. It’s out of fear to see you harm and not against you.

I want to give you a happy life. Filled with love and fun.

            I want you to experience things by yourself. Get hurt and know I will always be here

            to listen to and advise you. Because, this is the way you will learn and grow.

I want you to travel a lot and be exposed to different cultures and places because that will be your most valuable lesson in life.

I want you to be confident. You are loved! You are a beautiful soul. You are a happy spirit.

Never try to impress people. Always be who you are.

Always believe in yourself. And if you don’t, I will be here to believe twice as much.

This is how much I love you.

Because you are the light in my life. And the reason why I smile everyday.

Happy birthday, my love.

Alia, cuddling her new Rocking Horse

A message from your Tatay:

Alia, you keep me alive.

The way you show me your love melt my heart.

You truly are the life and love between your mom and me.

Keep it up! Ahoooo!

Love, Tatay.

A year to remember!

The best gift 2012 brought me!

I am welcoming 2013 with a smile. Though, I was not in a hurry for this year to come to an end.

Despite a few down, which is part of life, 2012 has been an amazing year for me.

A year I will cherish and remember all my life.

First, I became a mother. 2012 brought me the most wonderful, fun, strong, beautiful and stuborn daugther. What can make a year more beautiful than the birth of your first child ?

On top of this, it brought me a husband: loving, sweet, funny, disorganized and irritating sometimes but an awesome dad.

And finally, it brought us a home. In the process. But 2012 was the year it started.

We traveled to Malaysia, France and Switzerland.

We welcomed our whole families and friends for the first time in Boracay.

I strengthen some friendships that I believe will last for a very very long time.

We lost some beloved ones.

I shed tears of sadness and happiness.

We argued.

I grew and learnt a lot.

2012 made my world turn upside down!

And at the end of the day, I find my strength in Alia.

She was what made 2012 the best year of my life.

When I look back at 2011 and 2012, things are going better and better.

I know where I am going, what I want and I cannot wait to see what 2013 is holding for me.

Bring it on !

Happy New Year to all from the Astronaut family!

May 2013 be filled with love, laughter, fun & health!

This Christmas feeling!

Our Christmas tree with all the gifts underneath.

For the first time in 5 years, I really felt the spirit of Christmas.

Once again, we spent on the Beach, under the sun and the coconut trees. 

And I always had a hard time feeling Christmas without the snow, the cold, the smell of a real Christmas tree, the old box of decorations we have since we are child and the fire in the chimney. 

But this year was special. Alia is here and she was our Christmas spirit!

On Christmas day, Daddy Yo came across with someone he knows. Someone from a foreign country. This person is not Catholic. When he automatically greeted him "Merry Christmas", this guy still and did not answered. Then, he started saying that Christmas was nothing and did not mean anything for him.

Parol on the beach: made out of eggs.

I actually never practiced Christmas in a Catholic way. We would only have our whole family coming at home and sleeping over. We would eat seafood and Foie Gras and chocolate and drink good wine, stay up late at night and talk in front of the chimney. Christmas would only be a family reunion for us.

Santa Claus is the representation of Christmas for me.

But I surely want Alia to know what Christmas means for her dad and his family. 
I would love to discover more by accompanying her to the church for Christmas when she will be bigger. The more knowledge, the more understanding you have of what is surrounding you. And the more acceptance. 


I do not have to embrace it. I just need to respect it.

So we went to Kalibo and bought a Christmas tree. A fake one, yes, but at least I have one!

We bought lights for our tree and the windows outside.

And a lot of gifts. For Alia's friends and most of it for our princess.

How exciting it was to decorate our first own family Christmas tree while drinking wine, after putting Alia to bed!

Every evening, we would put the lights on and enjoy the colors filling up our living room! (We actually still do..)

Over the next weeks, I packed all the gifts while Daddy Yo was building a Parol with a yellow light and red paper.

I even got around 150 Christmas songs on my computer, just for the occasion!

All the time Daddy Yo would ask me what I want for Christmas, I would joke and tell him: "A nanny!"

On the 24th, we took a family walk on the beach and had breakfast in our favorite place, Lemon Cafe. Then, we went to the back beach, in Freestyle Kite Center for Daddy Yo to work and kite a bit. 

He told me we were supposed to interview a potential nanny there. And shortly after the interview, my wish came true!! We have a new nanny! 

Finally, we can both go back to work and our house will be a bit more organized. 

Except Daddy Yo had two lazy and cocooning days when he did not want to leave the house despite the nanny. Just so he could cuddle and play with Alia. I guess their week of intense bonding made the separation difficult for both of them. Believe it or not, she is even more of a Daddy's girl now!

Daddy Yo & his princess.

But our best gift was to suddenly see Alia let go of the couch and walk about 10 steps to reach Daddy Yo and me! I am such a proud mama of a strong little girl!

Anyway, after a day on the beach, we got ready for our Christmas dinner.

Alia was wearing a cute little shirt I hand painted for her, with a Santa Claus hat on it.

We had an amazing traditional Noche Buena with our dear friends Nicole, Kim, Bogs, Lian and their kids, Karen and Buboy.

A table filled with Love and good food!

We stuffed ourself with amazingly good food: Christmas ham, Queso de Bola, freshly baked Pandesal from Lemon Cafe, Lechon stuffed with garlic and chili, fish Lumpia (the best ones!), Carbonara pasta made by our Junior master chef Malia and an amazing Kaldereta. We enjoyed watching the kids fighting against tiredness in order to open their gifts. Alia was the only early bird in bed but the other children followed her sooner or later.

Daddy Yo cutting the Lechon in his cute little apron.

After a late night filled with love and laughter, we all headed home.

On the morning of the 25th, I gathered all Alia's gifts on her mat and brought her in the middle.

Her reaction was priceless! She loved every single present. We spent the whole day in, playing, sleeping and cuddling. I loved every single minutes of this day!

First shot of Alia in the middle of all her gifts!

At night, we had a quiet night with our friends and neighbors Jack and Olya. More food and a bit of wine.

What an amazing first Christmas for our beautiful girl!

What an amazing gift the universe gave us to take care of such a sweet, fun and strong little soul.

Merry Christmas to all!

Alia, first one in bed and for sure, very comfortably settled!

Together we can do so much!

Daddy Yo left for a few days in Manila as his grand-father passed away.

We did not go with him: Alia is very young to witness a wake and funerals.

My morning love affair!

A day before the bad news, our nanny left the house for good, unexpectedly.

So here I am, alone with Alia for already 5 days. Not being able to go to work as long as I don't have a new nanny to take care of Alia.

Good thing Daddy Yo is coming back tomorrow.

Our morning walk on the way to a friend for lunch

A dear friend of mine welcomed me in her house while Daddy Yo is not with us so I won't be totally left alone. 

The though of being just the two of us was a bit overwhelming for me! 

We live quite far (as far as a 7 kilometers long island can be) from the center so I did not want to feel cut from the World for a week.

Frankly? I am exhausted! 

Alia's tooth number 7 went out and I have plenty of bruises from bites to testify.

And she is missing her Daddy Yo so she has been a bit cranky this past two days, having the first tantrums of her life, throwing herself on the floor, rolling and screaming, arching her back and saying a long and sad: "Babaaa"! Heartbreaking! And frustrating!

A new playmate and a lot of laughter this morning!

But we had quite a lot of good bonding and laugh trip and cuddles this past 5 days!

Eating delicious food, walking on the beach with my friend, swimming, listening to beautiful Christmas songs, having lunch in our friend's place who baked an amazing Lemon bar, dealing with Alia alone.

We had a couple of visit, a play date with a friend's little girl who wanted to hug Alia all the time, an unexpected play date with the neighbor little boy who was laughing out loud with Alia, an amazing Christmas party at work with a mascarade theme, a few accidents with a bump on the head, a lot of mosquito bites (despite the plug, the long sleeves and legged pajama and the Citronella) and a baby shower this afternoon.

Alia's face look like she has chicken pox due to a lot of mosquitoes on the first night. So last night, when we had to go to the Christmas party at my work (it's in a big, lust, beautiful garden), I almost bathed her in Citronella oil. Not a single new bites!!! But we had to soap her hard this morning to remove the sticky feeling!

Covered with Citronella oil from head to toes before going to our Christmas party!

I am lucky my friends and my friend's helper took Alia when I needed it the most, carried her while I was eating, played with her while I needed a break or a shower. And Alia was behaving most of the time! Lucky mommy!

She even charmed every single workers who were fixing my friend's bamboo wall every day. They all fell in love with her as she was crawling to the window to smile at them or follow them intrigued.

I am in awe in front of the single moms, even more than I used to be. What a hard job!

Blessed we are who have husbands or help at home! Who can pass our babies on for an hour to take a long shower or eat with our two hands!

Alia was already blessed with a couple of gifts from friends and work. But I did not open them yet. I will put them under our new Christmas tree! I will tell you this story in a couple of days!

At our "Mascarade" Christmas party!

I am beyond excitement to see Daddy Yo again tomorrow and I need rest. But if I have to spend another week alone with my little love, I will gladly do it  all over again!

The two of us are a good team!!

Where there is love there is life

Alia is the happy type of kid.

And I cannot be more grateful for her to be this way !

There is not a day that passes without me to smile a thousand time thanks to her.

An afternoon at home just the two of us!

She loves playing peak-a-boo.

She loves dancing and moving her hands in a close/open motion.

She laugh out loud when we kiss her tummy.

She closes her eyes and smiles when she feels the wind on her face in the trike.

She loves climbing the couch to get the TV remote whe we try to hide it on top of it.

She absolutely loves to put her little hand in our puppy's mouth and giggles when Pampu lick her hand.

She loves crawling around the house without a diaper and throw all my beauty products on the floor. 

She loves to swim in the ocean.

And I love her so!

She smiles to people in the street, in the trikes and make them smile.

About a month ago, I was walking on the beach with Alia on her sling on my hips. I felt someone was following me. I looked back and saw two kids about 7 and 9, jumping behind me and doing faces to make Alia laugh. And she was laughing so much. They kept following me and entertain her for about 10 to 15 minutes until I had to enter in this shop I was going in.

Alia with her favorite tito, Ken and Chocnut the dog

In Boracay, she starts to be known among the tricyle drivers for the baby that smiles to them, laugh out loud if they smile back to her and pinches them if they do not pay attention.

And they always end up smiling, laughing and making faces along with her.

Alia is totally obsessed with trikes. Every time we hop in one, she’ll be excited and trying to reach the handles and the breaks.

Quite a few drivers will turn their mirror facing her so she can look at herself in it and laugh.

Some of them spend the trip making faces to amuse her.

All of them will laugh along with her.

And I always am one proud mommy seeing her spreading happiness around her at such a young age.

Isn’t it promising for the future ?

Happy Buddha: her Halloween costume

Yesterday when we went home from a play date with her buddies and my mommies friends, she was so happy to see her Daddy Yo. While breastfeeding, she stopped, turned her back to me and hugged her Daddy Yo! A long hug, her two arms around his neck.

He melted!

Playing and cuddling

He then left the room to let Alia sleep. As he closed the door of the room, I saw her crawling to the door, sit next to it and say "Baba?". He came back in until she was settled with me in bed.

Once alone with her, I felt a tear rolling on my cheek. She was breastfeeding and I was just happy to have her in my life.

Love is very powerful.

Playing with the computer while Skyping with her Lola back in France