Are we there yet?

"Each day of our lives, we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." Charles R. Swindoll

Playing in the park in Chartres

This past years have been challenging in many ways as Daddy Yo went to work abroad for the low season. It is the third summer I am spending alone with Alia and Gaia and of course, it is not a reason for us to stop the adventures! Last year, we went to visit my family in France then Daddy Yo in the USA. It was the first time for Gaia to go out of the Philippines, so it was quite an adventure for her! This year, we travelled to France and Switzerland. 

This is about me, the two girls, a big luggage, a couple of passport and too many airplanes.

Being a single parent is hard. I mean, you always have the perks of it: 

No one to fight over the movie to watch at night.

No one to fight over that last piece of chocolate or cheese after the children are gone to bed.

I am in charge of the menu, which means more healthy meals! (wink wink Daddy Yo!)

I am in charge of bedtime by myself, which means kids are going to sleep early and are not over excited and over stimulated right before sleeping (wink wink Daddy Yo!)

I am in charge of activities and daily schedule, which means I do not have a bad surprise when coming back from the shower seing kids painting on each other with textile paint.

Rolling down the hill

But it also can be overwhelming at time. And frustrating. Very frustrating.

I have very little break time. The kids are asking for my undivided attention at all time. Both of them. At the same time. Over different things.

One wants to breastfeed while the other one wants a cuddle. One wants to sit on my laps so the other one wants too. One is sick and needs me a lot more. The other one wants the same. One wants me to feed her, so I end up not eating with two children on my laps, feeding both of them.

Snack time!!!!!!!

And I am here in the middle. Pouring my love on them. Playing good cop, bad cop. Not having anyone who can step in and take over when I am ready to explode. And there are times when it gets to a point when I am craving to get my body back for an hour, a day. When no one will ask for me, touch me, grab me, climb on me, bite me, pull me, hang on my leg… It is a weird feeling when it seems your body doesn’t belong to you anymore. Not an single second of the day. 

Even at night :)

When Daddy Yo is here, we can share this. If one girl need me, he can take care of the other one. If I put one girl down for a nap, he will do something with the other one. They can share their needs between both of us. It seems a small, petty thing, but after 6 months of being more than their everything, it is hard for me. We may have a nanny but they don’t want them as they want their parents, of course. At least I am glad for that! They can still make the difference! 

I love them as much, maybe even more as the bonding is of every minute and we carry each other everyday. But It is also weary some days.

I first spent 3 months in France. And it never felt better being home than this year. 

The vibe, the choice of food from the market, the variety of activities for the kids. This year just felt good and I will get back to why it felt so good in the next post.

Poney ride in the countryside and around the lake.

While there, I had my parents and sister to share the attention of the kids with. And most important, my childhood friends, sister and parents to talk to at night. Once the girls were asleep, I would sneak out of the room and sit with my childhood friends and sister over a beer. Or sit on my parents bed and watch a movie or talk, talk and talk. After being a mother all day, it feels nice to feel like a child again, sometimes. Curled up on the foot of their bed. 

Sliding in Jardin du Luxembourg,
Paris

After we travelled back to Boracay, that was the hardest part to adjust to. Once the girls are asleep, it is me, myself and I. 

Long, silent evenings. 

No one to share the hard day I had with two sick children, or the homesickness of being back from my hometown, or the tantrums I had to deal with other than waiting for Daddy Yo to wake up over the computer and chat with him for a bit while he gets ready to work.

But it still is nothing, these challenges, compared to the gift and magic of having well travelled and adventurous children. 

To get to explore the World and our own limit with them, see their eyes get filled with excitement and slowly understand the World unfolding in front of them. 

To see them open their heart, their mind to so many different people and culture. And to never forget how it is to be a child. 

Because we all can. Just kneel down and look through their eyes. There is just love for us and amazing adventures awaiting.

A stroll in the French countryside under the rain.

If you travel with young children by yourself, talk to them, always. 

I kept on telling them: We are a team. It is us against the rest of the World. It is gonna be hard for me, this trip as the only adult. So you guys gonna have to help me. Check on each other, check on me as much as I will check on you. Never leave my side. Never leave your sister's side. Be patient as much as I will be. This is one long day and then, it will be over. Let's hold each other's hand and work through it as a team. 

And guess what? It works! Yes, kids are smart and sensitive enough to understand all of the challenges. They can adapt. They can be the best team mates you would ever imagine. Just give them the chance to be. You might be surprised! 

Now, Alia's favorite mantra is "Family hug! We are family! Gaia, it is you and me forever!". 

When they are not hitting each other, arguing over a toy or my attention, this is them, learning that sisterhood is above everything else.

Sister love in Baler, Philippines. Credit: Sabs Bengzon

“Not all those who wander are lost”

New Year was a very quiet one for me. 

We had dinner at some friends then went on the beach to watch the fireworks for the countdown. 

It was pouring heavy rain and a few meters from the beach, Alia was throwing up her dinner.

So we just waited a couple of minutes until midnight then ran home to cuddle up in bed while Daddy Yo was back on the beach to celebrate.

Alia was a little sick for two days after that but apparently, it was something she ate so it was gone as fast as it came.

I thought 2014 was not a good year for me, looking at its beginning!

But then, hey! You cannot just let it be like this. So I thought I am going to make it a great year.

Then, everything came one after another.

It started by an invitation to help the Philippine Kiteboarding Association during their ITCSI Tour. 

Daddy Yo decided to join the competition while I was part of the crew. Of course, Alia was running around the whole 3 days, happy to have so many people around. 

Santa Maria beach, in Ilocos Sur

Then, they invited me to join the rest of the Tour as the PKA secretary. All expenses paid. 

Guess what? I said yes, of course!

A few days after that, I was offered to write for Boracay Sun, our Island newspaper.

Since it got new owners and they are changing everything to make it more local and life-style focused, I liked the idea and jumped onboard.

The same week, two close friends and I met about this project we were talking about for the past few months and started doing some real work.

Then, the Philippine Swimming Mermaid Academy, for who I am an instructor, offered us some dance class for us to stay in shape for the shows MGM Macau and other hotels start to offer us.

Knowing my parents are coming to visit us soon, we prepared a trip to El Nido, Palawan because we all always wanted to visit this place. Then I had a great idea!

Every year, we are going somewhere in Asia for holidays. And it’s quite a budget.

A street in Vigan

So this year, we will take advantage of the PKA Tour and instead of going around Asia, we will stay home and visit our homeland.

Mid january, we packed our bags and took Alia to spend a few days in Manila with friends and family. 

Then, we took a 8 hours bus to Vigan, Ilocos Norte. We saw some amazing untouched and unspoiled beaches, the beautiful Heritage Town of Vigan and kept on eating amazing food while working on the Tour. 

For the story, Vigan is one of the UNESCO Heritage Site as it is one of the last place in Philippines where you can walk in the Spanish Town. There are amazing old houses and carriages with horses all around that you can take for a visit of the town.

The bus ride was really tough of me. Alia slept all through the trip but laying down on my arm. So I could not sleep or move much. I ended up with a huge and painful stiff neck. 

Alia was once more the star of the event. All the local kids were staring at this little ball of energy who was running on the beach and jumping in the water. So much that even the adults started following her show. 

Of course, she was so happy about the attention and took advantage of it.

Alia, giving a show to the local kids in Vigan

We went back in Manila last Monday, spent time in Republ1c wakeboard Park in Novali, went to the cinema, saw an exhibit of our friend Romeo Lee and packed our bags again to spend the weekend in Caliraya lake.

This time, Roldan’s parents and family convinced us to leave Alia with them so they coud enjoy her company.
Of course, I regretted it as soon as I said yes but well, she is having a blast with her cousins. The problem is me and my total dependance on her. Mother’s love!

We spent 3 days on this breathtaking tiny weeny itsy bitsy island, surrounded by coconut trees, pine trees and clear water. And about 40 kiteboarders!

The place was so small, you could walk all around in about 12 minutes. To reach the island, we had to step on a barge and pull a string to bring us to the shore. Same thing everytime you want to buy something in the store.

I felt like a kid!! I believe I crossed a couple of time just for the pleasure of pulling the barge back and forth!

We had a total blast and it felt as if we were teenagers again.

The only down part was being without Alia. I was scared I would not have any milk for her after that weekend.

I had to hand express a couple of time and it was sore and painful. But it all worth it at the end of the day.

I also got to remember the first time I ever left Alia.

Father and Daughter's playing time in UP, Quezon City

Throw back story, here I am:

It was in August last year. We landed in Paris and left Alia with my parents to meet a friend in his hometown, Rotterdam. Two months back, we met him on the beach of Boracay with a dozen of his friends. All of them were amazing artists from Cirque du Soleil Michael Jackson Immortal Tour and were taking a break for a week.

Pom invited us for his next break in Rotterdam. Luckily, the dates were perfect with our already planned trip to France.

We partied the weekend away of course. One night, we went to this club filled with 20 year-old tall chicks wearing really tight mini dresses and very high heels. After a few beer, I went to the toilet with sore boobs. I locked myself in the toilets while all this young party girls were fixing their makeup and hair while sipping on their mix drinks. I could hear them giggling from inside the toilets while I was pumping and dumping my milk.

And I thought: Yup, that's how rocking moms party!

Rotterdam pier

This is only the beginning of the year and there are more places on our list already.

Next week will be El Nido in Palawan and Malasimbo in Mindoro. Then, the last leg of PKA in Puerto Princesa, Palawan.

Cheers to an adventurous 2014 year!

For you, the woman who does not want to have children

During a nice sunset session with dear friends, we started sharing about this subject as one of us was in that case. She is the woman who doesn't plan on having kids. No yet after the sentence. It is just not in her plan. Nor the one of her longtime boyfriend.

I really wanted to write about the subject until I tumbled upon that read. 

And I had to share it instead, as I won't be able to tell it better than her.

To The Women Who Choose Not To Have Kids


DEC. 21, 2013 By ABBY ROSMARIN

To the women who choose not to have kids, I have one thing to say: thank you.

You probably don’t hear it enough. In fact, you probably don’t hear it at all. What you do hear is an array of pro-childbearing responses, such as, “You’ll change your mind someday,” or, “Doesn’t your mother want grandkids?” or, “You’ll never find a husband if you never want to have kids.”


All things considered, “thank you” is probably on the opposite end of what you hear.


But seriously: thank you. Thank you for recognizing that childrearing isn’t for you and being true to who you are. It doesn’t mean you hate kids. It just means that raising one is not part of your path in life.

Thank you for not succumbing to the societal pressures. I’ve known far too many parents who had kids because that’s what was expected of them. Working in childcare, you see more of this type than you wish to see. The resentment is almost palpable. They love their children — at least, they have no choice but to love their children — but every single movement seems to scream, “I wasn’t meant for this.” I’ve known too many people who grew up with at least one parent who harbored that resentment, who let that resentment dictate how they parented. I’ve seen how that influenced the way these former children are now as adults, or even as parents themselves.

Thank you for not trying to compromise who you are in an effort to keep a partner around. Thank you for being honest and open and refusing to apologize for who you are. Everyone has different values. Everyone wants something different in life. It takes a lot of guts and confidence to say, “This is what I want in life. It’s not the orthodox way, but it’s my way.”

Thank you for not trying to silence that feeling in your gut as a means to validate your life. There are too many people in this world who cannot figure out their path — or have stumbled while walking down said path — and decided that maybe having a child could provide that meaning and definition instead. You understand that down this path lies vicarious living and hurt emotions and you recognize that there are so many other ways to find love and meaning and joy in your life.

Raising children is a difficult, onerous, frustrating, and disappointing gig. It’s tough enough for those who want it. It is a rewarding and loving gig as well, but it’s not something one should go into while focusing only on reward and love and societal acceptance. In this day and age, with a booming population in almost every country, it makes no sense to pressure every person to have a baby. But we’re sticklers to tradition, ritualistic to a fault.

So thank you. It’s not easy to stand firm with your belief. Honestly, truly, and genuinely: thank you. 

You can read her post, following this link :


http://thoughtcatalog.com/abby-rosmarin/2013/12/to-the-women-who-choose-not-to-have-kids/

Now, enjoy this time to travel, love and life your way.

Where is the kid in you?

A week and half ago, Daddy Yo was out.

I laid down next to a sleeping Alia and enjoyed a me time. Watching a french movie it was!
The movie was called "L'âge de raison" or the Age of reason.

You know when you are 7? In France, we call this like that because this is the time you think you are always right.

Story short, this was this very successful woman who totally forgot about her childhood and past as she is so busy and focused on her carrier, meetings, investments, contracts and financial growth of her company. Until she receives all this letters from the 7 year-old she was.
As a little girl, she went to see a Notary and asked him to send all this letters to herself 25 or 30 years later. This Notary was s touched he kept his promise. Now old and retired, this is his last duty.
Of course, her life was turned upside-down by all this and it ended well.

It made me think about me, before. How was I? What did I wanted to be? How did I hope my life would be? When I was a teenager with a head full of dream?

At around 7 or 8, with my childhood friend Charles

Well, when I was a kid/teen, I was dreaming of being:

- A veterinary surgeon for wild animals (specially wolves and lions)
- A circus acrobat and trapeze artist
- Live in a Gipsy community, bare feet and long skirts, riding horses on the beach of Camargue (don't ask why, I always thought I must have Gipsy roots)
- Live in Jamaica and play drums all day long, listening to Bob Marley

Until I was 14, I wanted to be a vet. Then I had a week internship in our friend's clinic.
I discovered that being a vet includes put down animals. And it cured me from wanting to be one.

I kept my circus dream for quite a long time. My cousin introduced me to circus life when we were 6 years old. She now lives from it. When I was living in Paris and she would come to visit from Switzerland, we used to have mini-acrobatic shows in from of Pompidou museum, in the streets.
We did this until I was 19 and got an unrelated big injury on my back that left me unable to do sports for a couple of years. Now, one of my favorite things in life is still looking at Circus and dance shows.

My cousin Melissa, artist extraordinaire.

About the two next dreams, it lasted until, well... now.
It started at 14 when my childhood friend, Charles and I, dreamt of living in Jamaica, play drums and do skateboard for a living. With some friends, we wanted to create a community where we would all live together and raise our kids as a big hippy community.

My childhood friend, Charles a year ago in the Philippines
when he became the Godfather of Alia.

Looking back, I can say... I did not lost myself much since I was a kid!

Now living on a small Island in the Philippines, walking bare feet on the sand everyday, playing drums with Daddy Yo and Alia. Living how I wanted to live my life.

That is also how I want to raise Alia. Without her loosing the kid in her. So she can grow with her dreams and be who she wants to be, how she wants to be.

I will tell her that I will love her whatever the way she chooses. I will teach her at the end of the day, it is more important to be happy inside than pleasing others.

So in our house, she is allowed to make noise, eat with her hands, climb everything, choose to wear her denim short with a striped shirt and dots shoes, roll of the floor to play, spill water, write on the walls with a pencil, make a mess and help us clean. She is just a little kid and we are two big ones. Still.

❝To have another language is to possess a second soul.❞

"One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way." Frank Smith

Since we decided to have Alia, we knew a great challenge was lying in front of us.

Being from different countries, therefore, speaking different languages would be a part of it.

But we decided to turn this into a benefit for her future.

Since she was born, I am only speaking to her in French.

As we are not many French speaking in the Island were I live, she needs to learn it from me since birth. I need to be consistent. I am singing french lullabies to her at nap time and I am looking for french books to read to her when she is going to bed at night.

Because she doesn’t live near my family, it is important for me that she doesn’t feel disconnected with her french roots. Speaking French will help her keep in touch with my parents, sister, relatives and her cousins when she grows up. Every time she sees them, it also help her make the connection. They speak French like her mommy!

It will also help her learn more about my culture and my country. Sharing books, poems and watching movies with her: it is like building our own little bubble where I can show her who I was, how I grew up, what music I liked to listen.

Some things cannot be translated.  

I want to open her window of opportunities: if she wants to study in France later, she is able to move there and keep up with her dreams.

Daddy Yo always speak to her in Tagalog.

I know some people want to teach their kids how to speak English first as it will help them be part of the Global World.

For me, Alia is Filipino as much as she is French. She needs to speak the langague of the country where she was born. Not learning Tagalog as one of her first language would be putting her at risk to be treated like a foreigner in her own country!

And what if she decided to pursue her studies or life here? 

Tagalog will not be taught to her later on, at school. She needs to be understood by anyone in the country where she lives. She needs to know where she comes from and understand the story of her country.

So far, the words she is saying are mainly English.

Most of our friends and all the kids around her speak English to Alia.

And she can hear Daddy Yo and I speaking English together.

She must know it is the fastest way to be understood by all.

But whenever I ask her to hold my hand in french, she gives me her hand. Whenever Daddy Yo ask her to come with him for shower, she goes straight to the bathroom.

A lot of people tell us Alia will be confused, delayed for talking.

Do not underestimate children’s brain! It’s like a sponge absorbing thousand of new things everyday.

Yes, she might mix languages up at first sometimes.

She might answer me in English when I speak French (like Alia’s godmother and her daughter when she was a little girl) but I will keep on speaking to her in French. Because all the languages she hears on a daily basis are printed in her mind.

And when she will be a little bigger and ready to use them, what an amazing advantage for her!!

"If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart." Nelson Mandela

Haters will hate and I will still believe

Last night, I received an email from this classmate of mine when I was studying Mass Communication in Paris. It made my day.

To make it short, he told me it was quite weird for him to write this message but seeing what was happening to me, he felt he had to. He went on with the fact he was part of the people who didn’t believe me when I said I was moving to this tiny island in the Philippines, refering to himslef as a slanderous Parisian.

He said that after all, he’ve got to admit I’m holding on what I said and he’s really happy about it.

He congratulated me for my recent wedding and my beautiful daugther.

Photography courtesy of Denise Tolentino

Yes, people criticized me. I didn’t care.

They bad-mouthed my choices. I didn’t listen to them.

I believed in myself and my dreams were louder than all the malicious mind around me.

They were waiting for me to fall. They were waiting for me to fail and come back to France. They were expecting me to fit in where I was supposed to be.

Guess what? I was supposed to be where I am now! And I am staying right here, chin up, stronger everyday.

Now people back in France will know when I say something, I do it.

If I have a dream, I will want it so hard I will end up getting it. With time, work and a push from the Universe.

Don’t ever let people choose for you, intimidate you, make you change your mind.

Follow your heart. Shake your mind. Walk in the untouched path.

I let people hate, talk and slander me.

Because I knew what I was capable of.

I am not the one who will live with regrets.

Hater will always hate..

I don’t want to be one of them.

I will keep living my life and loving it wherever it brings me.

If ever people are waiting for you to fail, it’s only for them to fell better themselves.

Never take it as a failure but as an experience that will make you grow and bring you to the right path. The path that was made for you.

Photography courtesy of Denise Tolentino

"Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe