Light my fire!

Thanks to my friend Abbey, we had laughter and smiles today!

Despite the awful and long night, we had a great breakfast. Babies were playing and we also got to stay over for lunch to celebrate Alia's 7th month!! Pizza and pasta party. We took a nice walk around and went home mid-afternoon.

Alia was restless (she didn't took a proper nap since 6:30 am and it was already 4:30 pm) so I decided to walk on the beach for her to fall asleep in the carrier. At least she could rest 30 minutes. Better than nothing. Two friends I met while walking told me the same thing: if there is a next time, check yourself out in a hotel or go to a friend's place for three days. Sleep, rest. It will be easier on your daughter and you'll get to recover fully to be the kicking-mom you are everyday. I hope there won't be a next time, but if ever there is, I'll think twice about this option! As you think about it, it is quite true. How can you recover fully (and go back to breastfeed at night and work during the day) while you are sick, handling almost by your own a frustrated baby who scream during the day and most of the night? You are not helpful at home as you can't breastfeed the baby and every time baby sees you, she doesn't want the bottle anymore and scream.

Anyway, today was a good playdate that lightened my week.

I love playdates with Abbey's son as Alia is always so excited so see him. Plus, she LOVES to copy him. Which is great for her to learn new tricks. Plus, I get to chat with a very good friend.

When we travelled to Malaysia with them three month ago, Alia learnt from her best mate how to play with her tongue and spread saliva all over. She did the trick over and over and still does! Her favorite time to do it? In the morning, to wake us up! A morning shower!!

Alia and I in Kuala Lumpur

When we hanged out for three days in a row in the afternoon two months ago, Alia studied how her mate would jump as a frog (to try to crawl) and tried hard to do the same. Sadly for her, she was too young to do the same as they are a month and a half apart.

Today, she was so proud to show him what she could do on her four but he was even more proud showing off his new skills: standing up by his own!!

Oh, she's trying hard to catch up with him now! When we went home, we put her in her crib for a while and she was trying to grab anything that could help her standing up. If I'd help her, she would grab the side of her crib and stand like this, trying to look over the bed (I'll show you pictures tomorrow as the camera is in the bedroom and I don't want to risk waking up my little crying monster).

Playdates are great times for babies as young as this to learn how to socialize, borrow, lend, share. It will take time for them to get this notions. But the earlier you teach them, the more normal it will become to them.

We have a big group of babies here on the island. We call ourselves the Boracay Baby Boomers. Our kids are between 2 years old and... still on the way. And knowing they will grow together is great as we can really teach them how to act in a group of kids. Patience, kindness, gentleness, politeness with others are some basic I want Alia to learn as young as possible.

But one step at a time!

Tonight is the last rough night and tomorrow, we are back to normal!! More crying from both mother and daughter will be rewarded by a tight cuddle in the morning while breastfeeding. And we will get to forget about this past dark few days!

I can see the light!

For better or For Worse

The worst thing that could happen to the breastfeeding mom I am just happened.

I am not allowed to breastfeed Alia for 3 days due to an intake of antibiotics.

It's been a few days I was feeling tired and my throat was sightly painful but I did not mind it as we were too busy packing our stuffs to move in a bigger place.

We moved in on Sunday (thankfully, good friends of Daddy Yo did ALL the "carrying-all-the-heavy-boxes so I didn't have to carry anything but Alia) and I spent the evening unpacking things. On monday morning, I woke up and carried some furnitures to put them here and there and unpacked some more boxes before going to work.

In the evening, I started to feel really tired.
Then cold. I live in the Philippines and it's never really cold here.
I went to sleep early with Alia and woke up shaking. Daddy Yo covered me with a lot of blankets but I was still cold. I check my temperature: 38.5°C!

My head was painful, my glands were swollen in the throat and I was feverish.
I spent the night feeding Alia and waking up because of the pain.

On tuesday, thankfully, I was allowed to stay at home until I recover. The whole day, the fever went up and down and the pain was so strong in the whole area of my head. I slept more than Alia. The only way I could sleep was to put this iced gel pack on my eyes.

In the evening, I was shaking again. I went to sleep with 38.8°C.

Last night was the same than the night before. Waking up all the time, taking paracetamol, putting some iced gel pack on my eyes.

This morning, we went straight to the doctor who explained me I am having an infection due to nasal congestion that leads to an ear congestion. The only way I could recover was antibiotics and pain killers.

I asked her if, by any chances, this antibiotics was compatible with breastfeeding and of course, she explained me that most antibiotics are not, this one included.
She saw the tears coming up my eyes and told me she could give me the 3 days solution. I accepted, went home, cried while pumping, feed Alia and took my medicines.

The only good thing is I always had so much milk I was pumping and freezing it just in case something like this would happen. So Alia has like 2 liters of milk inside the fridge. She will still drink my milk but out of a bottle. Milk in a separate freezer can stay up to 6 months frozen. Think about it!!!

Since I took my medicines, she had a very hard time falling asleep because she didn't understand why she could not breastfeed before sleeping. We fed her her lunch and still she was pulling my shirt and crying.

And my heart is breaking...

The hardest gonna be during the nights as she never wanted to take a bottle if I was next to her. We might put her in her crib as it will be worst if she can smell my milk.

Daddy Yo and I are going to have a few long nights ahead of us...

Love Lane

From now on, I will have to repeat my "gratitude for work" mantra every single day until the feeling becomes real. In theory, it is a great lesson of life! In practice... it's a different story.

My first day of work was surprisingly quite fine leaving Alia at home as she was sleeping when I left. The key words are "sleeping when I left"! As yesterday and this morning, she was awake. And that is a COMPLETELY different deal to handle!

I think she was fine actually. But it was a bit harder for me as the guilt grew inside me.

Am I really doing the right choice? Is it really a lesson of life I am teaching her? Is it really a gift I am doing to myself? Yes, I am sure of that.

But am I not going to regret it later? When I will realize she is a little girl and I will miss the "baby her". Am I not going to think I should have enjoyed every single second of her "baby-hood"? That is a thought that was running in my head last night. And I don't have answer to this one...

And while I was still lost in this thought this morning while trying to put her to sleep in her crib, I was questioning as well the usefulness of letting my child cry (even for 10 minutes) in order for her to sleep in her own bed. I will try to stick with this as it is more for her safety than for the sake of it. I know she will crawl anytime soon and if she keeps sleeping in our bed for resting time, there will be a time she will inevitably fall off the bed. If I can, as far as possible avoid it, I will. Safety versus Comfort. Even if the answer is obvious, it does not make it any easier.

I guess THIS IS what being a mom. To constantly make decision for your child without knowing if it is the best.

Listen to your heart and follow it, they say.

But sometimes, even my heart is confused...

Hasta la siesta, Baby!

That's it!

Two days ago we finally decided we will put Alia in her crib for her siesta. The reason of this change? She's rolling and moving so fast now, we can't even turn our back anymore when she's asleep on our bed. Even the pillows we put around her are not enough for her to roll over it anymore. So safety first! Crib it is.

Little did I know...

Yes, my friends warned me she will cry. Yes, my friends told me to be strong. But this??? This heavy tears, this little hands trying to reach me... I felt like a monster.

I sang her songs, held her hand, stayed next to her until she fell asleep. She finally did and I can say proudly that everyday, she's falling asleep faster in her crib.

Was is traumatic? Yes. For her, I don't think so. For me, definitely!

I am glad she is safe in her crib. I am glad I can work while she is asleep. And Daddy Yo is, too. But... we will miss not moving for two hours, sitting on the bed because she fell asleep in our arms (and we could have put her down but we did not want).

Good thing we still have all our nights to see her falling asleep between us, grabbing our shirts to make sure we are next to her, rolling to cuddle up in her daddy's arm and putting her leg on top of my arm to find comfort.

I find comfort too having her next to me.