Love Lane

From now on, I will have to repeat my "gratitude for work" mantra every single day until the feeling becomes real. In theory, it is a great lesson of life! In practice... it's a different story.

My first day of work was surprisingly quite fine leaving Alia at home as she was sleeping when I left. The key words are "sleeping when I left"! As yesterday and this morning, she was awake. And that is a COMPLETELY different deal to handle!

I think she was fine actually. But it was a bit harder for me as the guilt grew inside me.

Am I really doing the right choice? Is it really a lesson of life I am teaching her? Is it really a gift I am doing to myself? Yes, I am sure of that.

But am I not going to regret it later? When I will realize she is a little girl and I will miss the "baby her". Am I not going to think I should have enjoyed every single second of her "baby-hood"? That is a thought that was running in my head last night. And I don't have answer to this one...

And while I was still lost in this thought this morning while trying to put her to sleep in her crib, I was questioning as well the usefulness of letting my child cry (even for 10 minutes) in order for her to sleep in her own bed. I will try to stick with this as it is more for her safety than for the sake of it. I know she will crawl anytime soon and if she keeps sleeping in our bed for resting time, there will be a time she will inevitably fall off the bed. If I can, as far as possible avoid it, I will. Safety versus Comfort. Even if the answer is obvious, it does not make it any easier.

I guess THIS IS what being a mom. To constantly make decision for your child without knowing if it is the best.

Listen to your heart and follow it, they say.

But sometimes, even my heart is confused...

Hasta la siesta, Baby!

That's it!

Two days ago we finally decided we will put Alia in her crib for her siesta. The reason of this change? She's rolling and moving so fast now, we can't even turn our back anymore when she's asleep on our bed. Even the pillows we put around her are not enough for her to roll over it anymore. So safety first! Crib it is.

Little did I know...

Yes, my friends warned me she will cry. Yes, my friends told me to be strong. But this??? This heavy tears, this little hands trying to reach me... I felt like a monster.

I sang her songs, held her hand, stayed next to her until she fell asleep. She finally did and I can say proudly that everyday, she's falling asleep faster in her crib.

Was is traumatic? Yes. For her, I don't think so. For me, definitely!

I am glad she is safe in her crib. I am glad I can work while she is asleep. And Daddy Yo is, too. But... we will miss not moving for two hours, sitting on the bed because she fell asleep in our arms (and we could have put her down but we did not want).

Good thing we still have all our nights to see her falling asleep between us, grabbing our shirts to make sure we are next to her, rolling to cuddle up in her daddy's arm and putting her leg on top of my arm to find comfort.

I find comfort too having her next to me.