I just want to pee alone!

Back when I was pregnant and Daddy Yo suggested me we look for a helper, I gasped!

I haven’t been raised with helpers. I will not have one!

Then Alia was born. And the house was a mess!

I had no time to eat my breakfast because Alia was awake or I was passing out next to her the second she would fall asleep. 

I would try to do the laundry (by hand) whenever I was not feeding her, changing her or sleeping with her or I would let Daddy Yo do it after he came back home from work, cooked dinner and washed the dishes of the whole day.

I was crying when she was crying in the middle of the night.

I would call our neighbor, Tita Caiys or our Land lady Ate Sally and ask them to help me when Alia was screaming because of gas and I still didn’t have time to eat lunch or take a shower.

When we had our first helper, I realized how lucky we are in the Philippines to be able to afford hiring someone to help us. 

Back in Europe, having a helper at home the whole day would be a luxury. It would cost one full salary of ours!

Of course suddenly, our house was spottless. I was able to rest more without worrying about food or laundry. The mornings I was really tired, I could hand Alia over and go back to sleep for an hour or two. I could even start socializing a little bit by going out for a dinner or a drink once in a while.

And all this time I would not cook, clean or wash, I can fully spend it with my daughter. Take time to play with her, bring her to the beach, organize play dates with the other mommies. Being relax around her knowing someone is here to do the house chores.

When Alia was 3 months old, I started training for our Dragon Boat competition with Daddy Yo. Sharing an "us" time without Alia. I even enjoyed a few "me" time over manicures with my other mommy friends and no kids !

I had the peace of mind to go back to work knowing Alia was at home, safe in her familiar environment.

I know I can make it without a helper.

I also know I am a better mom when I have some help.

I am less stressed, less tired, less frustrated.

Having someone helping you at home is not shameful. 

It doesn’t mean you are a bad mother or a bad wife. 

It doesn’t mean you can’t do it by yourself or are lazy. 

It doesn’t mean you will just sit around on the couch and eat chips while watching a movie.

It means you value your time.

It means you did not forget that you are also a woman. Not just a wife or a mother.

It means you recognize you also have some needs : sleeping a bit longer sometimes, having a massage and a manicure once in a while, doing sport, going to work, enjoying a date with your husband or a drink with your girlfriends…

We are not machines! Keeping a household is a lot of work and being a mother is a full time job!

Help can come from a nanny, the grand-parents, a friend once in a while.

This issue I used to have about having a helper was about pride. The pride that I could do it by myself.

Now, I learned.

And i am proud to know now how to simply ask for help.

A year to remember!

The best gift 2012 brought me!

I am welcoming 2013 with a smile. Though, I was not in a hurry for this year to come to an end.

Despite a few down, which is part of life, 2012 has been an amazing year for me.

A year I will cherish and remember all my life.

First, I became a mother. 2012 brought me the most wonderful, fun, strong, beautiful and stuborn daugther. What can make a year more beautiful than the birth of your first child ?

On top of this, it brought me a husband: loving, sweet, funny, disorganized and irritating sometimes but an awesome dad.

And finally, it brought us a home. In the process. But 2012 was the year it started.

We traveled to Malaysia, France and Switzerland.

We welcomed our whole families and friends for the first time in Boracay.

I strengthen some friendships that I believe will last for a very very long time.

We lost some beloved ones.

I shed tears of sadness and happiness.

We argued.

I grew and learnt a lot.

2012 made my world turn upside down!

And at the end of the day, I find my strength in Alia.

She was what made 2012 the best year of my life.

When I look back at 2011 and 2012, things are going better and better.

I know where I am going, what I want and I cannot wait to see what 2013 is holding for me.

Bring it on !

Happy New Year to all from the Astronaut family!

May 2013 be filled with love, laughter, fun & health!

This Christmas feeling!

Our Christmas tree with all the gifts underneath.

For the first time in 5 years, I really felt the spirit of Christmas.

Once again, we spent on the Beach, under the sun and the coconut trees. 

And I always had a hard time feeling Christmas without the snow, the cold, the smell of a real Christmas tree, the old box of decorations we have since we are child and the fire in the chimney. 

But this year was special. Alia is here and she was our Christmas spirit!

On Christmas day, Daddy Yo came across with someone he knows. Someone from a foreign country. This person is not Catholic. When he automatically greeted him "Merry Christmas", this guy still and did not answered. Then, he started saying that Christmas was nothing and did not mean anything for him.

Parol on the beach: made out of eggs.

I actually never practiced Christmas in a Catholic way. We would only have our whole family coming at home and sleeping over. We would eat seafood and Foie Gras and chocolate and drink good wine, stay up late at night and talk in front of the chimney. Christmas would only be a family reunion for us.

Santa Claus is the representation of Christmas for me.

But I surely want Alia to know what Christmas means for her dad and his family. 
I would love to discover more by accompanying her to the church for Christmas when she will be bigger. The more knowledge, the more understanding you have of what is surrounding you. And the more acceptance. 


I do not have to embrace it. I just need to respect it.

So we went to Kalibo and bought a Christmas tree. A fake one, yes, but at least I have one!

We bought lights for our tree and the windows outside.

And a lot of gifts. For Alia's friends and most of it for our princess.

How exciting it was to decorate our first own family Christmas tree while drinking wine, after putting Alia to bed!

Every evening, we would put the lights on and enjoy the colors filling up our living room! (We actually still do..)

Over the next weeks, I packed all the gifts while Daddy Yo was building a Parol with a yellow light and red paper.

I even got around 150 Christmas songs on my computer, just for the occasion!

All the time Daddy Yo would ask me what I want for Christmas, I would joke and tell him: "A nanny!"

On the 24th, we took a family walk on the beach and had breakfast in our favorite place, Lemon Cafe. Then, we went to the back beach, in Freestyle Kite Center for Daddy Yo to work and kite a bit. 

He told me we were supposed to interview a potential nanny there. And shortly after the interview, my wish came true!! We have a new nanny! 

Finally, we can both go back to work and our house will be a bit more organized. 

Except Daddy Yo had two lazy and cocooning days when he did not want to leave the house despite the nanny. Just so he could cuddle and play with Alia. I guess their week of intense bonding made the separation difficult for both of them. Believe it or not, she is even more of a Daddy's girl now!

Daddy Yo & his princess.

But our best gift was to suddenly see Alia let go of the couch and walk about 10 steps to reach Daddy Yo and me! I am such a proud mama of a strong little girl!

Anyway, after a day on the beach, we got ready for our Christmas dinner.

Alia was wearing a cute little shirt I hand painted for her, with a Santa Claus hat on it.

We had an amazing traditional Noche Buena with our dear friends Nicole, Kim, Bogs, Lian and their kids, Karen and Buboy.

A table filled with Love and good food!

We stuffed ourself with amazingly good food: Christmas ham, Queso de Bola, freshly baked Pandesal from Lemon Cafe, Lechon stuffed with garlic and chili, fish Lumpia (the best ones!), Carbonara pasta made by our Junior master chef Malia and an amazing Kaldereta. We enjoyed watching the kids fighting against tiredness in order to open their gifts. Alia was the only early bird in bed but the other children followed her sooner or later.

Daddy Yo cutting the Lechon in his cute little apron.

After a late night filled with love and laughter, we all headed home.

On the morning of the 25th, I gathered all Alia's gifts on her mat and brought her in the middle.

Her reaction was priceless! She loved every single present. We spent the whole day in, playing, sleeping and cuddling. I loved every single minutes of this day!

First shot of Alia in the middle of all her gifts!

At night, we had a quiet night with our friends and neighbors Jack and Olya. More food and a bit of wine.

What an amazing first Christmas for our beautiful girl!

What an amazing gift the universe gave us to take care of such a sweet, fun and strong little soul.

Merry Christmas to all!

Alia, first one in bed and for sure, very comfortably settled!

Together we can do so much!

Daddy Yo left for a few days in Manila as his grand-father passed away.

We did not go with him: Alia is very young to witness a wake and funerals.

My morning love affair!

A day before the bad news, our nanny left the house for good, unexpectedly.

So here I am, alone with Alia for already 5 days. Not being able to go to work as long as I don't have a new nanny to take care of Alia.

Good thing Daddy Yo is coming back tomorrow.

Our morning walk on the way to a friend for lunch

A dear friend of mine welcomed me in her house while Daddy Yo is not with us so I won't be totally left alone. 

The though of being just the two of us was a bit overwhelming for me! 

We live quite far (as far as a 7 kilometers long island can be) from the center so I did not want to feel cut from the World for a week.

Frankly? I am exhausted! 

Alia's tooth number 7 went out and I have plenty of bruises from bites to testify.

And she is missing her Daddy Yo so she has been a bit cranky this past two days, having the first tantrums of her life, throwing herself on the floor, rolling and screaming, arching her back and saying a long and sad: "Babaaa"! Heartbreaking! And frustrating!

A new playmate and a lot of laughter this morning!

But we had quite a lot of good bonding and laugh trip and cuddles this past 5 days!

Eating delicious food, walking on the beach with my friend, swimming, listening to beautiful Christmas songs, having lunch in our friend's place who baked an amazing Lemon bar, dealing with Alia alone.

We had a couple of visit, a play date with a friend's little girl who wanted to hug Alia all the time, an unexpected play date with the neighbor little boy who was laughing out loud with Alia, an amazing Christmas party at work with a mascarade theme, a few accidents with a bump on the head, a lot of mosquito bites (despite the plug, the long sleeves and legged pajama and the Citronella) and a baby shower this afternoon.

Alia's face look like she has chicken pox due to a lot of mosquitoes on the first night. So last night, when we had to go to the Christmas party at my work (it's in a big, lust, beautiful garden), I almost bathed her in Citronella oil. Not a single new bites!!! But we had to soap her hard this morning to remove the sticky feeling!

Covered with Citronella oil from head to toes before going to our Christmas party!

I am lucky my friends and my friend's helper took Alia when I needed it the most, carried her while I was eating, played with her while I needed a break or a shower. And Alia was behaving most of the time! Lucky mommy!

She even charmed every single workers who were fixing my friend's bamboo wall every day. They all fell in love with her as she was crawling to the window to smile at them or follow them intrigued.

I am in awe in front of the single moms, even more than I used to be. What a hard job!

Blessed we are who have husbands or help at home! Who can pass our babies on for an hour to take a long shower or eat with our two hands!

Alia was already blessed with a couple of gifts from friends and work. But I did not open them yet. I will put them under our new Christmas tree! I will tell you this story in a couple of days!

At our "Mascarade" Christmas party!

I am beyond excitement to see Daddy Yo again tomorrow and I need rest. But if I have to spend another week alone with my little love, I will gladly do it  all over again!

The two of us are a good team!!

Where there is love there is life

Alia is the happy type of kid.

And I cannot be more grateful for her to be this way !

There is not a day that passes without me to smile a thousand time thanks to her.

An afternoon at home just the two of us!

She loves playing peak-a-boo.

She loves dancing and moving her hands in a close/open motion.

She laugh out loud when we kiss her tummy.

She closes her eyes and smiles when she feels the wind on her face in the trike.

She loves climbing the couch to get the TV remote whe we try to hide it on top of it.

She absolutely loves to put her little hand in our puppy's mouth and giggles when Pampu lick her hand.

She loves crawling around the house without a diaper and throw all my beauty products on the floor. 

She loves to swim in the ocean.

And I love her so!

She smiles to people in the street, in the trikes and make them smile.

About a month ago, I was walking on the beach with Alia on her sling on my hips. I felt someone was following me. I looked back and saw two kids about 7 and 9, jumping behind me and doing faces to make Alia laugh. And she was laughing so much. They kept following me and entertain her for about 10 to 15 minutes until I had to enter in this shop I was going in.

Alia with her favorite tito, Ken and Chocnut the dog

In Boracay, she starts to be known among the tricyle drivers for the baby that smiles to them, laugh out loud if they smile back to her and pinches them if they do not pay attention.

And they always end up smiling, laughing and making faces along with her.

Alia is totally obsessed with trikes. Every time we hop in one, she’ll be excited and trying to reach the handles and the breaks.

Quite a few drivers will turn their mirror facing her so she can look at herself in it and laugh.

Some of them spend the trip making faces to amuse her.

All of them will laugh along with her.

And I always am one proud mommy seeing her spreading happiness around her at such a young age.

Isn’t it promising for the future ?

Happy Buddha: her Halloween costume

Yesterday when we went home from a play date with her buddies and my mommies friends, she was so happy to see her Daddy Yo. While breastfeeding, she stopped, turned her back to me and hugged her Daddy Yo! A long hug, her two arms around his neck.

He melted!

Playing and cuddling

He then left the room to let Alia sleep. As he closed the door of the room, I saw her crawling to the door, sit next to it and say "Baba?". He came back in until she was settled with me in bed.

Once alone with her, I felt a tear rolling on my cheek. She was breastfeeding and I was just happy to have her in my life.

Love is very powerful.

Playing with the computer while Skyping with her Lola back in France

Mr & Ms Astronaut we are!

I officially am married!

And as (not) planned, it was totally freestyle, unprepared and fun!

Photography: Denise Tolentino

Roldan had many idea on how he wanted to propose to me but he's not organized at all!

He asked my dad's permission when we were in holidays in France last year and a half. 
My dad needed help to bring some old stuff at the municipal dump and that's when Roldan talked to him!

Then, he proposed to me the day we came back to the Philippines: on the side walk of a street of Makati, between a KFC and a dirty building and of course without a ring! 
He had no idea on how to know my finger size and he knew I am not a "precious jewellery" lover.

We set the date and I decided to organize it myself. We didn't ask any wedding coordinator to help us. My sister is a graphic designer so she took care of the invitations.


We didn't want the usual Boracay wedding you can see everywhere on the beach. We wanted something away from the crowd and the noise. Something that looks like us. Laid back, fun and no stress.

Photography: Denise Tolentino

Concerning the dress, I wanted anything but a "wedding" dress. No "gone with the wind" style for me. 

The simpler the better.

A very good friend of my mom did my dress in a week or less, after closing her pharmacy (yes, she's not even a designer but she's got gold in the hands). 

We were in France in August to visit so it was really short. She did the perfect dress for me!

My shoes were  handmade a week before the wedding by my friend Django Valmores. 

He's an amazing artist from Mindanao. He's got a shop here in Boracay and in Legaspi market, in Makati where he sells handmade bags, shoes, bracelets, drums...

Roldan's barong was hand painted by a friend of him, fine art graduated and tattoo artist. It was a Sabong, 2 roosters fighting. 

As we wanted something that really looks like us, he went for a short and bear foot and asked to all our guests to wear shorts and beach casual dresses.

The preparation was not a hassle nor stressful as we were very easy with the resort we worked with. As long as everybody could seat and eat, I didn't really care about all the details. I knew their food was quality and very good. And I knew that was their jobs to set weddings up. Not mine. This is not their first wedding but it is for me!!  So I let them handle everything!

The rest was handled by friends.

Our photographer was Denise, my bride's maid as well.

We asked our good friend, DJ Schatz and the drumming band of my husband, the Jungle Boys to play during the wedding. We know we love their music so we let them a complete freedom to choose what to play and when to play it!

Photography: Denise Tolentino

On the D-day, in the hotel room, my friend LiAn did my make up, my friend Cats did my hair and handmade my garter (boheme style). 

My brides maid chose the color of their own dress, yellow. 
It ended up super nice! 
Retro 70's style!!

I was only wearing a headband found in this really nice stone jewellery online shop in France.

Roldan arrived on the beach with a paraw (sailing boat) and the Jungle Boys playing drums on it.

Then, the girls and I went down with the golf cart. Still to the sound of the drums.
We were so unorganized and relaxed, our ninongs and ninangs forgot to walk down the aisle and my parent didn't walk with me. But we had so much fun! 

Our puppy, Pampulutan was the ring bearer. The whole time of the ceremony, we carried Alia in our arms because she didn't want to be far from us. I loved it! 
We'll have the memory of getting married as a family!

We had no program. We only knew we'll see our pre-nup video during the party. A friend of us offered that the company he's working (Dreamscape Asia Production) for will do our wedding video for their portfolio. We just had to pay for their tickets coming here. And they did an amazing job!!!

Photography: Denise Tolentino

Our friend LiAn just grabbed the mic and improvised. We had speeches and a surprised video from my sister. It was really cool! 

My side of the family made us do the "Hora", a traditional jewish celebration dance and our "first dance" (on "Kung Fu fighting" by Carl Douglas!) was the "traditional filipino dance" where the bride and the groom dance and everybody pin money on their gown.

Photography: Denise Tolentino

Our cake was made by our friend Julia Lervik from Lemoni Cafe, in Boracay. She made super yummy cupcakes and a main cake. 

Some were chocolate/fresh strawberry with turquoise icing and some were mango/orange with orange icing (the colors of our invitations). 

The decorations on the cupcakes were mini sailboats, gumamelas and kitesurf boards. 

On the main cake, we asked Julia to make 3 astronauts instead of the usual bride and groom (We really are kind of an Astronaut family!).

We had so much fun we even forgot to cut the cake! But we cut and ate it the day after to celebrate Alia's baptismal.

We didn't want to plan as nothing ever happen as you planned it. So to avoid to be disappointed or stressed, we chose to follow the flow. We knew that having all our friends + our families together would make a great party anyway. 

Photography: Denise Tolentino

I was so touched all our friends and family were there for us. 

A lot of them told me it was one of the best wedding (if not the best) they ever attended. 

Guess what? Me too!

And the coolest thing was we were featured on the rebellious blog The Rebellious Brides saying: "This is by far one of the most beautiful, most moving weddings I have ever seen since RB's existence." Check out the full feature here.

"Love is being stupid together" Paul Valery

Haters will hate and I will still believe

Last night, I received an email from this classmate of mine when I was studying Mass Communication in Paris. It made my day.

To make it short, he told me it was quite weird for him to write this message but seeing what was happening to me, he felt he had to. He went on with the fact he was part of the people who didn’t believe me when I said I was moving to this tiny island in the Philippines, refering to himslef as a slanderous Parisian.

He said that after all, he’ve got to admit I’m holding on what I said and he’s really happy about it.

He congratulated me for my recent wedding and my beautiful daugther.

Photography courtesy of Denise Tolentino

Yes, people criticized me. I didn’t care.

They bad-mouthed my choices. I didn’t listen to them.

I believed in myself and my dreams were louder than all the malicious mind around me.

They were waiting for me to fall. They were waiting for me to fail and come back to France. They were expecting me to fit in where I was supposed to be.

Guess what? I was supposed to be where I am now! And I am staying right here, chin up, stronger everyday.

Now people back in France will know when I say something, I do it.

If I have a dream, I will want it so hard I will end up getting it. With time, work and a push from the Universe.

Don’t ever let people choose for you, intimidate you, make you change your mind.

Follow your heart. Shake your mind. Walk in the untouched path.

I let people hate, talk and slander me.

Because I knew what I was capable of.

I am not the one who will live with regrets.

Hater will always hate..

I don’t want to be one of them.

I will keep living my life and loving it wherever it brings me.

If ever people are waiting for you to fail, it’s only for them to fell better themselves.

Never take it as a failure but as an experience that will make you grow and bring you to the right path. The path that was made for you.

Photography courtesy of Denise Tolentino

"Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe